5 Brilliant Life Lessons You Learn Going Through Divorce.

You know how they say that every cloud has a silver lining? If that big dark cloud raining all over you is a divorce, then yes, there is a silver lining.

Tips for women going through divorce. roundandroundrosie.com

In short, divorce sucks, got it. What you might not know? After this life shaking, ass rocking event , you are going to come away with gems of wisdom that will genuinely transform you at your core. They will profoundly change how you look at yourself and the world.

In no particular order, here they are.

1. Stuff doesn’t matter.

I’ve moved more times than I can count since my divorce. I hauled most of my stuff out in green garbage bags and stuffed into the trunk of my car. Trinkets, collectibles, all that stuff we accumulate really doesn’t matter. Wedding china? How many times have you used it? Divorce and moving made me realize that when it comes down to it, we are not our stuff.

2. Real friends will listen more than they talk.

You might have lots of people you consider friends in your life, but once you’re mid divorce, you will quickly come to realize those people that you can count on. You can spot a real friend by how they respond to you. I found that real friends didn’t ask too many questions. They don’t pry. Real friends seemed to instinctively know that I needed someone to listen as I worked things out, vented, or just needed to cry. No lectures. Know you’ve found a real friend when they are willing to just listen.

3. You are so much stronger than you realize.

You feel fragile and breakable but you can handle more than you ever imagined. Why? Because, if you’ve got kids, you have no choice but to keep on going. One of my favorite quotes is Winston Churchill, “the only way to get through hell, is to keep going.” Hell and divorce are pretty similar. Sometimes you just have to keep marching. You’ll be scared, lonely, sad, panicked. You’ll feel it all. Just keep marching. You can do this.

How to cope with your divorce.

4. Tomorrow is another day.

Some days you’ll think that it won’t end. It will. You’ll go to sleep, wake up, and things won’t be as bleak. Trust me. The bad stuff has an ending point. Eventually paperwork will be filed. You’ll go to court. It will be over and you’ll be moving on with setting yourself on your new course and new life.

5. Not everyone will come with you.

Divorce gives you clarity in your life. There were people in my life who didn’t make the journey with me. Relationships that just didn’t seem worth my limited time and my very stretched and raw emotions. That’a good thing. Sometimes you have to be in this very real, honest place to access your life. Some people just don’t make the cut.

What life changing lessons did your breakup teach you?

Comments

  1. Michelle says

    I needed this…I think the most important lesson here is to keep going. Put one foot in front of the other. Take it a day at a time l and if you need to an hour or a minute at a time. I am 5 months post divorce with 3 kids and it’s amazing how strong I have become in the past 5 months.

  2. says

    Great post. I wrote about 11 things divorce teaches you recently and it’s good to read your view on this. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is how I lost bits of myself in my marriage that I’ve enjoyed rediscovering; ultimately it’s taught me that I want to be with someone who I can feel completely myself with.

    • says

      Matthew, thanks for the comment. I agree we lose so much of ourselves and it is tough to reconnect with who we really are. It took me a while but I rediscovered so much of who I am again.

  3. Nikki L says

    One of the things I learned is that it is so much better to be single than in a dysfunctional relationship. Also, that unless you address the reasons you attracted someone so dysfunctional, you’ll just wind up marrying the exact same type of person. Oh, and lastly, the woman who broke up my marriage in the first place, was actually a blessing in disguise. I now see my ex’s mistress as my knight in shining armor. If she wouldn’t have slept with my husband, I’d still be miserable in an unhealthy marriage. Yay for silver linings!

  4. Bianca S. says

    THANK YOU! I have realized that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was…. This really reminded me of a book that was recommended to me called, “The Accidental Divorcee” by Laura Scott (http://theaccidentaldivorcee.com/). It is a fast read full of stories, advice, and lessons on how to heal and then “begin again.” I also thought it was particularly unique because it is written from both the perspective from the leaver and the person who was left. After reading this I felt recharged and I have been telling everyone about it. I really hope you and your readers will check it out. Stay strong

  5. Tracy says

    I learned that a friend’s advice of “always take the high road” never failed me. Divorce can be ugly. You don’t have to be.

  6. Melissa says

    Wow!!!!!! I couldn’t agree more with all of these! I certainly learned that most “stuff” really doesn’t matter…….I walked away from a house and 98% of its contents because the stuff didn’t matter! As for not taking everyone along on my journey…….the bottom fell out of my my family and support network which consisted mainly of joint relationships…….which brings me to having lost so much of myself in my marriage….I was a puppet…..always doing and saying and being the “right” spouse. My divorce has definitely helped me embark on a journey of discovering my true, authentic self……and I am truly amazed at who I really am as opposed to who I had always thought I needed to be! Incredibly liberating!!

  7. says

    These are great lessons indeed! I never had to move in my divorce (I kept everything because I could afford to). My family and friends were there beside me supporting me through the issues. I did have to leave my church, though, but I did so willingly because the pastor couldn’t cope with his “flock” getting divorced (although his son divorced soon after I did).

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