Advice for women going through divorce. What real women wish they’d known before their own divorce.
Experts can tell you all day what you should do during your divorce. What you should expect, how to react, but no one is more of an expert on divorce than a woman who’s been through it. A woman who’d made it through the other side and lived to tell about it.
Who better to let you know some of the challenges you’ll face than another woman who’s been there first?
I wanted to tap into the wisdom that so many women have for others. So, I asked women on the Round and Round Rosie Facebook page to share their own hard won wisdom. I asked what they wish they’d known about divorce before their own divorce began. What they wished they’d been more prepared for.
Here, in their own words, are the truths about divorce and the wisdom they had known from women who’ve been in your shoes.
Their advice varies greatly. Each woman found the best path for her own situation.
Like these women I found my own way through my divorce. After going through my own divorce for over six years, I learned a lot. In case you need more help getting through divorce. Here are six things I wish I’d known before filing, and habits that will help make you happier while going through your divorce, and a list of many legal terms you’ll need to know when you go to court or review paperwork from your attorney.
I so appreciate these strong role models for sharing their own experience going through divorce. These fierce survivors are a daily inspiration. I hope that you can take their wisdom to heart in your own divorce process.
What have you learned in your own divorce that you wish you’d known beforehand?
View Comments (52)
I am currently in the midst of what I can say is close to being on a roller coaster, and it's scary and also on fire and don't know when it's going to end. You know that part of the divorce where you still live together and neither can leave. The house full of such toxic energy you can feel it in your soul. I'm stuck, trapped. All I worry about is my sweet amazing children. I was feeling the walls caving in tonight. Reading this has been so helpful and empowering. This is not forever. My children and I will get through this. I am eternally grateful for posts like this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you 💕
Marci,
I am in the same position. The divorce was my choice but now because we live in such an expensive city neither of us could move out. I want to stay in the house with the kids but it is also his house. He has told me that he refuses to leave no matter how it makes me feel. Its a lot of toxic energy but I know I made the right choice. The debilitating depression is what is hard to handle right now especially when trying to be with the kids. We need to support each other. I know things will get better with time. Its better to be out of a long toxic relationship than to continue to be in one because it is easier than splitting up. Any more tips will be helpful.
By the grace, love and great mercy of God, I am content, experiencing the peace and joy that only comes from our Father. I was married for 25 years, mother of twin girls and an elementary teacher. It's been three years since my divorce and even though I do get lonely ... I surrendered my life, everything ... that is thinking I was in control. He is my all and I am now experiencing true freedom when I turn each day, each moment over to God. Celebrate Recovery, Divorce Care.com and 13 week group, Bible Studies (always thought that it was for those nice ladies that prayed for teachers once a month), Christian concerts, Christian radio and TV, praying, thanking and surrendering each day ... has truly changed my life. I don't know what the future holds but am rest in the confidence that He does and is more than able. I now choose to be victorious, living in the positives, instead of being the victim. God is Good. Blessings to all!
I've been in a emotionally neglectful marriage for almost 9 years. My husband and I decided after years and years or unhappiness we are going to file. We have two beautiful children and want to make it as easy as possible on them. My husband and I still live together and explain to the kids why daddy is sleeping in the basement. We also agreed to continue counseling two days a week even after everything is finalized. Sometimes I still feel like fighting even tho in my heart I know it's over. Is it possible to rekindle feelings after being hateful for so many years? I'm so sad to think about what the aftermath of this will do to my children. The thing is, I don't hate my husband. He doesn't hate me. We are just not in love anymore and neither of us are willing to learn and accept their love language. I wish there was a magic ball to help me through this.
Very good posts.
It hard to face divorce sometimes. But what is done is gone , we should move forward .
You’ve inherited a gorgeous Tiffany broach. You love the person that wore it… but you’d never pin it on. Or maybe you’re newly divorced. What’s done is done, and you don’t want that karma following you around. Why not convert its value into cash to meet your evolving needs. So, go to https://truval.com/ if you want to sell your jewelry.
Thanks!
...my estranged husband 8s the same way. I don t believe we ve had a real, honest talk ever. 42 years, it s not a marriage if they can t even speak to you. I be wrestled with it like you for many wasted years...what are we fighting for??
It's so difficult. My husband of 15 years began cheating when my health plummeted. 12 surgeries later and he hates me because Inloat my job so we lost our insurance and medical bills piled up. He has a college degree but makes the amount he made when we met 17 years ago working for the same small company that has never provided benefits. He blames the loss of our house on me. I still can't work full-time and my medications are over $1000 every month. I can't afford them anymore so my health is the worse it's been. Our son is 14 and my husband blames me for our son being sad and feeling abandoned. On top of all this his girlfriend txts me, emails, calls and says "he hates you", your an ignorant fat moron", "your only disability is that you area fat and lazy" .. those are the nicest comments she's made. I just found out she went on our family vacation summer 2016 and when my son and I did things he didn't want to do, which occurred everyday; he was with her.
What hurts the most is his hatred and complete lack of regard to my health. He is as always gentle now he calls me every name and everything he can. He reminds me every other day how much he hates me.
I have shown nothing but kindness. Given him everything he has asked for (mostly) still pay his phone bill so he can talk to his son. Which he doesn't. In six months he has called our son less than an hour total. Yet I help our son forgive him and encourage their relationship.
Will he ever stop hating me?
You can't change anyone but yourself and until you decide that your sanity and health for the sake of your son is more important, no one can convince you otherwise. The power is with you and only you.
Cindy, wake up and smell the darn rose's!
Leave him. How much more disrespect do you need to take.
Its hard to believe my 16 year old marriage is over after my husband left me for a bisexual person.. I’m the one with anger issues and grief and it seems as if he doesn’t care care for my feelings... i haven’t filed for divorce yet any advice on how to go about it?
My advice is read up on divorce on the net, the dos and don'ts and then consult divorce lawyers if you afford them.
So this post is at least 4 years old, but I am currently going through this as we speak. My husband leaving, now he has someone else. He said he wants a divorce whether I want to or not. He says he will always love me no matter what but he doesn't have the energy to try and work things out with me. He has said this in the past but never went through with it. Last time he went as far as getting the program from office depot. The one you fill out and file with the court house. I'm not really sure how it works, but he filled it out and signed it and gave it to me but I couldnt bring myself to sign it. We ended up getting back together and I got rid of the papers so fast. Fast forward to the present, he's seeing someone and he wants a divorce and he just told me that he wants to sell the house that my kids and I live in..the house we bought for our family. Our agreement when he moved out was that we wouldn't go through child support as long as he paid the mortgage. I received a delinquent notice from the bank stating that the mortgage hasn't been paid as of last month. When I asked him about it he just said " ok, and ". I really dont want to move the kids again. The whole point of buying the house was so we wouldn't have to move the kids around. I cry all the time. I just dont know what to do, any advice would be helpful. Please help I'm lost.
Married 11 yrs together 21 . 46,he’s 48 left me for a 21 yr old Abandon me and my daughter for 10 months then came back due to Covid and nowhere to live and no job. Refusing to leave has now forced me out and I still pay for everything 1 1/2 later
Took my ring , my motorcycle ( signed my name on title) found out he solid money $$$from income tax for yrs ; I’ve been in job for almost thirty years , he’s never happy so always switching careers. I make more money , so now because I am responsible and have put money away and 401(k)s and a pension He is now able to take half my money from my 401(k) i A portion of the marital money from the pension and because I work overnights is now Going to get physical custody of our daughter which is 11 and allows her to do anything she wants!! She swears like a trucker, drinks soda and eats chocolate all day !!And downs me to my daughter that everything’s my fault ; and I have recorded her talking bad about me😢 how’s my life going??!!!
To be honest the only way I am getter through this is an amazing guy that I am with that is so supportive and gives me all the love and attention that I should have gotten all these years !! It’s never to late ..
I've been divorced for a few months now and reading through the comments breaks my heart. I don't feel any pain for being divorced rather I'm feeling relieved. I was a bit saddened by the fact that we would have to sell the house I worked so hard for and so for a few days I was crying a lot until I accepted that my peace of mind comes before material things, I became better. Maybe I'm yet to experience all the emotions described by most people.
In all the 14 years of being married I was alone in taking care of things around the house including paying the bond, car, medical aid, school fees, rates and taxes, insurance, groceries, literally everything and raising the kids so I feel like I have been unburdened of an extra child who was taking away my sanity.
Having said that I read up a lot on how to cope with it so I stay empowered.