There are many strange things people do in cars in LA. And now I’m one of them.
I’ve been in LA way too long. I used to be horrified when I was driving on the freeway and saw people all around me doing strange, private, often gross, things in their car. Yes, I judged these people, but now that I’m stuck in traffic for the majority of my day too, I get it. You spend so much of your life locked in your car, you end up having to tend to some business in this quasi private place, in the driver’s seat, somewhere on the 405 freeway.
Now that I’m spending over 3 hours most day marooned in gridlock traffic, I get to see a whole lot of habits being taken care of.
So here’s some of my favorite traffic activities.
Shaving. Huge during the morning rush. I’ve seen men shaving with electric and those disposable Bics. Face only, no underarms or legs-YET.
Oral hygiene. Flossing teeth.Teeth brushing. Which includes rinsing and spitting into a plastic cup. Lots of surprisingly good dental habits taking place on our freeways, our dentists should be proud.
Makeup application. I mean contouring, mascara, eye shadow. Even blending foundation with that huge pink blendee sponge at 65 mph.
Reading the newspaper. Reading scripts. Rehearsing lines for an audition.
Plucking and shaping eyebrows.
Was I horrified by all this personal care going on? Yes I was. But now I’m joining in and making use of that time my ass is seated in the sweaty seat of my Prius. Now mind you I haven’t started the whole rinsing and spitting or newspaper reading atop my steering wheel but here are the strange things I do in my car whilst freeway-ing.
Feeding My Child.
I’m always running at least 20 (OK 30) minutes late so my daughter hasn’t actually had a breakfast that wasn’t eaten in the backseat since elementary school. Her body probably couldn’t process this meal if it were served at a stationary table and chairs and she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. The usual morning menu is a plastic baggie full of Cheerios or soy sausages served in a warm and sticky paper towel. With chocolate milk. She’s a teenager, she’s got it together, she can eat without spilling. She’s so good at backseat eating because she gets lots of practice. (When she’s not eating in the backseat, she’s learning to be a full on teen. Here’s a post about my teen apology to the world.)
Practicing My Drums
I’m taking drum lessons, yeah I know I’m not cool but I’m trying. I now take my drumsticks along with me and practice some beats on the steering wheel or the passenger seat. Maybe people wonder why there’s some middle aged mom rocking out (badly) with her sticks. I’m trying too hard not to hit myself in the mouth and chip a tooth to notice what the landscaping guys in the truck next to me think.
Hair Plucking Emergencies
Yes, I was inspired by all the eyebrow plucking going on all around me, but what really got me was the little mirror on the flip side of the sun visor. Have you looked in that mirror lately in the daylight? It’s the ugly mirror of truth.
This mirror catches it all. Errant upper lip hair. Those crazy old man eyebrow hairs that you didn’t even realize were sprouting and are now 3 inches long. I’ve learned my lesson. I now keep a pair of tweezers in the glove box just for these sorts of facial hair emergencies.
I used to worry if people could see me plucking away. The good news is that Los Angeles is the land of the self absorbed. If you’re wearing a clown suit with your hair on fire, people could care less. Unless you can help them sell their screenplay. Or get them tickets to Ellen. Then, you are ON.
I’m sad to say that I’ve joined this army of mannerless souls taking care of personal bizness on our city’s freeways. My apologies to the driving public for these strange things I do in my car, but I am maximizing my time. And if you happen to roll up on me while I’m drumming away on a crowded freeway, please just pretend you don’t notice how much I suck.
So there’s the strange things I do in my car. Fess up! What do you do in your car while stuck in traffic?