What’s the most stressful part of your marriage falling apart? According to a recent survey, if you are a women it’s not the divorce. It’s the separation.
This study from the Gallup-Healthways Well-being Index, polled adults across the country and asked this question:
“Did you experience stress a lot of the day yesterday.”
Both men and women who were separated were significantly more stressed out than people who were either married or divorced. But perhaps most telling, over 55% of separated women felt stressed, while just over 44% of men who were separated were.
Separation it seems is especially hard on women. The survey showed that separated women were much more stressed than married women; over 19%. Compare that to separated men, an increase of around 10% over their married counterparts.
Why is separation more stressful than divorce for women? I know several reasons.
Separation is a time of uncertainty and change. Your entire life situation is in upheaval. Maybe you’ve moved, changed jobs. Suddenly you don’t have the blueprint of a neat, tidy life that you had as a married couple.
Separation means confrontation. Court dates, legal paperwork and custody battles are often in full swing. Heated, emotional exchanges are common. Once the divorce has been finalized and settled, many people can begin to heal and work towards more normalized communications.
Financial worries. Women often struggle the most financially during a divorce. We often earn less, and we are often the ones who have stepped out of the workforce to be the lead parent and caregiver. It’s expensive to rebuild your life and career. Then add to all that the enormous cost of divorce attorneys.
No wonder women are more stressed than men during a separation. From my own experience, I have found that my stress has decreased as my own separation has gone along. The most stressful part for me was the first year; moving, finding a new place to live, simply trying to reorient myself again; that’s a lot of major life changes to handle in a very short period of time.
This report seems like good news, to me anyway. How about you? Do you think your separation is more stressful than divorce?
View Comments (2)
So very true! I had a week to move, find a job, situate school transfer for my child, find a vehicle and all the other funf of legalities is yet to begin. I'll be happy when it:s a done deal!
Jane,
OMG-sounds crazy exhausting! How did you not have raging anger and/or panic attacks! When I moved out, I could only take whatever fit in the back of my SUV. I felt like a homeless loser! I'm with you, can't wait till it is OVER.