You know how they say that every cloud has a silver lining? If that big dark is a divorce, then yes, there is a silver lining. There are powerful life lessons you learn dealing with divorce that will change the way you view and live your life.
In short, divorce sucks, got it. What you might not know? After this life shaking, ass rocking event, you are going to come away with gems of wisdom that will genuinely transform you at your core. They will profoundly change how you look at yourself and the world.
In no particular order, here are the life lessons you learn dealing with divorce.
1. Stuff doesn’t matter.
I’ve moved more times than I can count since my divorce. I hauled most of my stuff out in green garbage bags and stuffed into the trunk of my car. Trinkets, collectibles, all that stuff we accumulate really doesn’t matter. Wedding china? How many times have you used it? Divorce and moving made me realize that when it comes down to it, we are not our stuff. Downsize and view it as an opportunity to live with less.
2. Real friends will listen more than they talk.
You might have lots of people you consider friends in your life, but once you’re mid-divorce, you will quickly come to realize those people that you can count on. You can spot a real friend by how they respond to you. I found that real friends didn’t ask too many questions. They don’t pry. Real friends seemed to instinctively know that I needed someone to listen as I worked things out, vented, or just needed to cry. No lectures. Know you’ve found a real friend when they are willing to just listen.
Here’s a post with other top tips from women just like you who have survived a divorce.
3. You are so much stronger than you realize.
You feel fragile and breakable but you can handle more than you ever imagined. Why? Because, if you’ve got kids, you have no choice but to keep on going. One of my favorite quotes is Winston Churchill, “the only way to get through hell, is to keep going.” Hell and divorce are pretty similar. Sometimes you just have to keep marching. You’ll be scared, lonely, sad, panicked. You’ll feel it all. Just keep marching. You can do this.
4. Tomorrow is another day.
Some days you’ll think that it won’t end. It will. You’ll go to sleep, wake up, and things won’t be as bleak. Trust me. The bad stuff has an ending point. Eventually, paperwork will be filed. You’ll go to court. It will be over and you’ll be moving on with setting yourself on your new course and new life. Here’s a blog post with a step by step plan to get yourself back on track after your divorce.
5. Not everyone will come with you.
Divorce gives you clarity in your life. There were people in my life who didn’t make the journey with me. Relationships that just didn’t seem worth my limited time and my very stretched and raw emotions. That’a good thing. Sometimes you have to be in this very real, honest place to access your life. Some people just don’t make the cut.
What life-changing lessons did your divorce teach you?
View Comments (31)
I learned that a friend's advice of "always take the high road" never failed me. Divorce can be ugly. You don't have to be.
Wow!!!!!! I couldn't agree more with all of these! I certainly learned that most "stuff" really doesn't matter.......I walked away from a house and 98% of its contents because the stuff didn't matter! As for not taking everyone along on my journey.......the bottom fell out of my my family and support network which consisted mainly of joint relationships.......which brings me to having lost so much of myself in my marriage....I was a puppet.....always doing and saying and being the "right" spouse. My divorce has definitely helped me embark on a journey of discovering my true, authentic self......and I am truly amazed at who I really am as opposed to who I had always thought I needed to be! Incredibly liberating!!
All great advice -- whether for divorce or life in general. We do have more stuff than we need and I love how the best friends listen more than talk. Really wonderful.
These are great lessons indeed! I never had to move in my divorce (I kept everything because I could afford to). My family and friends were there beside me supporting me through the issues. I did have to leave my church, though, but I did so willingly because the pastor couldn't cope with his "flock" getting divorced (although his son divorced soon after I did).
Do you move the house? I mean ranch, with 6 speeds, three circumstances in the most recent 6 years, I truly couldn't concur more with no 1. What's more, I enjoyed the Churchill site as well.
I only would like to speak on behalf of the friend who spoke more than she listened...this is a real thing for me so please know that I take yours in acceptance and I appreciate your thoughts in this article. I read it so I could understand my friend better.
My childhood best friend and I made a promise to each other after her first divorce that we would help each other get through our marriages; divorce was not an option. She talked me out of one. I saw the devastating effects it had on her and her children. I was trying to talk her out of a divorce from her second marriage. Married to a good man who loved her children and then together having three more. She didn’t listen to me. She wasn’t planning on listening. She divorced so quickly and remarried again just the same. She is filing for divorce again...meanwhile, I can see down this road she is searching for happiness and she comes back more broken every time. I can see it in her eyes and her lack of laughter with every passing year. It hurts to see her like this.
I understand it takes a true friend to just listen...it goes for both sides. There is no clean divorce, obviously, and there are some truly ignorant friends, but only Acknowledge the heart of a friend who is willing to be bold for a minute....that’s all. Also, don’t lie to your friends. If you want to hear truly genuine and sound advice it can only come from someone who is being told the truth. Simply tell her you appreciate her words and that you will definitely think about what she has to say, just something kind to let her know you appreciate her and her friendship and possibly follow up your appreciation with your firm decision. If honesty is provided then she could possibly stand a chance. A good friend is someone who doesn’t mind those tears on her shoulder, I agree with that, but it doesn’t stop there...
Anyway, I hope this helps keep friendships through divorces.
Thank you for this article.
This is a great article about lessons you going to learn through a divorce and I found very informative. So thanks for sharing it with us.
Hey Rosie,
There is no one comes with me and never help for my divorce only without your tips.
I really happy to complete my successful divorce.
Thanks for some great tips and innovative ideas to move faster on divorce.
Keep it up!
This is some really good information about getting ready for a divorce. It is good to know that you should think about know some legal terms before hiring a lawyer. That way, you know if you are getting the right lawyer for your needs.
I liked that you pointed out that you should look at the track record of the lawyer. That is a good thing to know when you are looking for a divorce lawyer. After all, a lot of things can be on the line when you are getting a divorce and separation