How to know when it’s time to divorce.

The signs in your marriage that means the time has come.

One of the questions that readers often ask is one of the most important: how to know when it’s time to divorce. Is my marriage really over? Is it time to finally file for divorce?

Most marriages (OK, all marriages) have rough patches. No relationships are perfect, no matter what people post on their Facebook page.

So how can you tell the difference between a temporary relationship rut and the end of the relationship?

Here are a few signs that your marriage/relationship is over and how to know when it’s time to divorce.

1. That little voice in your head.

If you’ve been in a troubled marriage, there is a little voice in your head telling you that there are serious problems in your marriage. You might call this voice in your head, your truth or your gut. And you’ve probably been ignoring it or trying to silence it.

Don’t.

That little voice in your head, that feeling in your gut, whatever you like to call it. It’s your intuition and it’s trying to tell you something. During the busyness of our days we can drown it out with our never-ending To-Do Lists, but in the grey still of 3 am it resurfaces.

It’s time to listen to that nagging voice in your head. Start paying attention to the wisdom you already have. Here’s an article on how to identify your intuition.

2. If your partner refuses couples or individual counseling.

Marriage is a partnership between two people. And a successful marriage is between two people who are both willing to work on the relationship. If one person is not willing to work on themselves and make the changes necessary to make the relationship work, then the marriage probably won’t work.

People refuse counseling for many reasons; denial that there is a problem in the relationship, an inability to accept responsibilities for their own actions, hiding substance abuse or mental illness, OR maybe they don’t really want to save the marriage.

If you continually ask your spouse to seek counseling and they continue to refuse, the marriage might not be saved.

I know therapy can be expensive and difficult. I like the online therapy app Talkspace. It’s effective, convenient online therapy with a one on one counselor. Online therapy that’s as close as your phone takes away the “I’m too busy for therapy” excuse.

3. If your spouse brings up divorce in arguments.

It’s easy to discount what is said in anger or in jest but those words usually have very real meaning behind them.

How many times has your spouse mentioned getting a divorce in an argument? Has he mentioned divorcing followed by “I’m just kidding”?

If someone is joking about it, it means that the idea of getting a divorce is somewhere in their mind. And a joke is an easy way to put the idea out there without having to take full responsibility for the sentiment.

Or as Shakespeare so eloquently it, “many a true word hath been spoken in jest.”

Another sign? Bringing up divorce if they’ve been drinking too much.

–If your partner is abusive, or if you or your children are in danger. Please get yourself to safety. If you are in danger, contact the out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

4. Exposing your children to non-stop arguing.

Has your marriage become a battleground? If you and your spouse are arguing and fighting in front of your children, are you really being the best parents you can be? Constant strife and instability can make children seriously affect a child’s mental health. Here’s an insightful article from WebMD about the effects of fights on kids.

5. Have you given up?

Perhaps most importantly, have you given up? Are you really fighting to stay in your marriage or are you simply continuing the fight out of habit?

And do you have the energy to keep on fighting?

If you know in your heart, that you are done.

If you are ready to proceed with a divorce, make sure you check out this post on what I wish I’d known before I started my divorce. 

Some other posts to help guide you through divorce are:

Tips from women who’ve already been through a divorce.

31 ways to jumpstart your life after divorce. 

I hope these tips on how to know when it’s time to divorce help you too.

And please share with anyone who’s going through their own difficult divorce. We are all in this together!

xoxo-Rosie