A letter from one mother to another.
Dear Birth Mother,
I think about you. Often. I’ve never met you. I wonder who you are. Where you live. Every time I brush my daughter’s long dark hair, I think of you and wonder if she got her beautiful hair from you.
If only I could meet you, my daughter’s birth mother, I would hug you as if we were long lost friends. I would say thank you, even though those words seem so small and insignificant in relation to the gift you’ve given me.
We might not speak the same language, but I would try to communicate with you anyway. We would probably both cry. I’d hold your hand. I’d show you some of the thousands of photos of my daughter I keep on my phone. You’d see the lovely, smart and accomplished young lady she’s becoming.
I’d show you the goofy photos she takes of herself when she grabs my phone. I’d share the video of her recent cheer competition. My all American daughter in her red, white and blue cheerleading outfit with an obnoxiously enormous, sequined red bow in her hair.
Before I became a mother, I thought birth mothers gave up their children because they didn’t love them. Now I know birth mothers give up children BECAUSE they love them.
A thousand, a million thank yous for loving her enough to give her another chance.
I don’t know why you had to give her up. I’ve imagined so many scenarios in my head. I’m sure all of them are wrong. Whatever it was, I’m sorry that I profited from your loss.
I have so many questions I want to ask you. Does she get her love of drawing from you? Her stubbornness? Her sense of humor?
I know I’ll probably never meet you and have the opportunity to look into eyes that are a reflection of my daughter. I know the statistics. The chances of me ever being able to locate you is infinitesimally small. Grains of sand on the beach. Billions of people in China, and no adoption records of your name. There is nothing left behind, no clues to go on, no trail that leads me to you. The only path I have to you is her.
And since that’s our only connection, as I hug her tonight, I’ll send a message to you; a little prayer. I’ll hope that somehow through her, you will know that this daughter you gave life to is safe and sound, loved and adored beyond all measure. And I hope that you’ll feel the gratitude I feel for you, her first mother.
From one mother to another, I wish you nothing but love.
Love,
A Mom
View Comments (31)
Well said rosemond!
You have such a wonderful generous spirit. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom.
thank you!
What a beautiful post. My good friend just found and met her birth mother last year - at the age of 50! - and it has been an amazing reunion. Everyone is getting along so well and they have truly become one big happy family. I am so happy for her - and so happy that your daughter has such a compassionate and caring mother in you.
What a lovely letter and what a kind and caring soul you have. The compassion and love you expressed to the mother who gave up her child is beautiful and really touched me. A beautiful example of living with empathy and without judgement.
Thank you so much. I'm truly blessed.
The only path I have to you is her. I got chills when I read that line. The whole post is great but that part slayed me.
Thank you Anna. My daughter is my world and I'm so lucky to be able to parent her. I just wish one day I could thank her birth mother for her.
This is beautiful!
thanks you!
This is really beautiful, and I think it is a very important message to remember to show compassion, not judgement, to people who give up their children, and also to acknowledge that they have - for whatever reason - given something so valuable to someone else.
This is beautiful. As a birth mother myself, thank you. <3
Terra thank you so much for being a birth mother and sharing your thoughts on this!
And thank you. I hope one day I can thank my daughter's mother in person, I still hold out that hope.
I love your letter and I cried reading it. I am not sure how I feel about my son's. birth mother. She physically beat him for the first 3 weeks of his life, until her parents made her give him up for fear that she would kill him. I love him soo much and I worry about what he will find when if he will ever look. He is only 4 so I havetime, but as much as I am thankful to her for giving birth to the love of my life, I resent her for abusing him as a newborn❤❤❤❤❤
Khadija, first of all, thank you for being his mom. I cannot imagine that feeling of knowing that someone harmed your son, especially his own mother. You must have very mixed feelings about her role in his life. Prayers and love to you and your son. As he gets older you can decide how much information he will ever need to know about his birth mother.
Thank you for reading and reaching out.
I am a mother blessed by adoption of a beautiful grown girl. I had help from my pastor in adopting my daughter because one of his minister friends 17 yeR old daughter was pregnant and wanted to give her baby a chance at life. She said she didn’t want to be a single mother working at the 7 11. That wasn’t the life she wanted for her daughter. We got her when she was three days old. When she was 13 and 1/2 we lost my father who was everything to my daughter and then 6 months later her favorite aunt. She was devastated and having issues with depression and cutting. I ask her what I could do to help. She wanted to meet her birth mother. So at her tender age of 14 I contacted the pastor’s wife and she put me In Contact with the birth mothers parents. That was the hardest conversation for me and also the best. When the birth mother called us a couple days later that was another hard conversation- but a wonderful one all the same. 6 months later after many conversations between the birth mother - my daughter and me - we met her. My daughter was 14 1/2 and is now 27 Her and her birth family have a beautiful relationship And I Also have a beautiful relationship with them. It was the hardest thing ever to let them get to know each other, but then again not as hard as her birth mother giving her to me We are a big wonderful family brought together by God and unselfish acts of love.