Divorce advice for everyone out there. Here are 49 totally crazy things you will do during your divorce.
I’m sorry to tell you but even the sanest of the sane will relate. Here are some crazy ass, unstable, off the wall things you will do in divorce. Here we go:
Crying in the carpool line at school.
Learning to say “me” in conversation instead of “we”.
Wine, wine, and a little more wine. (Did I mention you will drink wine alone?)
Sitting in your car in your own driveway to make private phone calls.
Wondering if you will ever date.
Deciding that you’ll end up being that lonely old lady who feeds the pigeons by the freeway off ramp.
Eating a diet of whatever you buy at the grocery store to pack in your child’s lunch.
Having nothing to then put in your child’s lunchbox because you couldn’t sleep and ate it all at 3am.
Moving out.
Learning how much stuff, how many belongings, you absolutely don’t need.
Packing all your worldly belongings into big green Hefty garbage bags. (I even made a video about the JOY of moving out after divorce.
Wanting to light a match and set fire to all your belonging instead of moving them one more time.
Moving on.
Praying (that sounds more like crying and pleading).
Actually forgetting to eat. (That’s never happened before)
Crying even more. This time during the Super Bowl at those damned Budweiser Clydesdale horse commercials.
Sleeping in your clothes because you are too exhausted to get undressed.
Learning what it means to get served (and not in a restaurant).
Driving around for hours because you are just too sad to go home.
Crying during the previews at the movie theater (the dancing popcorn and singing soda reminding you to get snacks at the concession stand suddenly seem sad.)
Not knowing what is Next.
Finally being OK with not knowing what is Next.
Long walks to keep your sanity.
Being afraid to be alone.
Living in an apartment again, and hearing the neighbors in the apartment above you having sex.
Going to a psychic to get guidance.
Deciding that you will never, ever want to date.
Joining Match.com the next morning.
Going off Match.com after every man who contacts you looks like he just got released from prison.
Rejoining Match a week later.
Wishing you could become a Lesbian.
Calling your father at 2 am to ask him if you will be OK.
Your Dad talking to you until 4 am to reassure you that you will be OK.
Remembering you are a good person.
Buying your first toolbox.
Using a drill for the first time, not very well but still using it.
Hiring an attorney.
Firing the first attorney. Hiring your second attorney.
Spending hundreds of dollars at Fed Ex office making copies for your case.
Everyone at the Fed Ex office down the street learning your name.
Packing boxes shoved into your closet because you can’t bear to unpack the contents.
Bingeing on microwave popcorn.
Needing chocolate. Often.
Stealing those $2 school fundraising candy bars from your child’s room while she sleeps.
Having to give your child $60 for all the chocolate you ate.
Sleeping alone.
A Queen sized bed seems huge. You pile pillows down one side to feel like a body sleeping next to you.
Learning to enjoy sleeping alone in that huge bed. (Yes, you’ll learn a lot during your divorce. Here are some pretty amazing ways you can learn to be happy during your divorce.)
Hyperventilating.
How many of these crazy things have you done during your divorce? Did you do any of the ones I listed above?
Dish it baby!
(Visited 81,423 times, 10 visits today)
View Comments (18)
This list is great. I have done so many of them it made me laugh. Almost 4 years after we separated, we finally had a contested divorce trial - over 2 months ago. No resolution yet. The never ending divorce, it's been a nightmare. My kids are young adults, but that doesn't make it any easier on them. I'm glad I found this website!
my parents are recently separated and I have seen my mom do some of these things. I agree, just because your old enough to know what is going on doesn't make it any easier at all. When your a child they keep everything from you and make things seem normal. When your an adult there is no holding back. I understand my parents do need someone to talk to though. Just a tough situation for sure.
Parents and people do some strange thing in divorce, no doubt, we don't mean to but it just happens. So glad you understand this and see it clearly.
4 years? The agony. :( im going thru separation. Just waiting for the letter from court making me go crazy already. And my kids are only 2,4 & 6 years old.
The waiting is so tough, it takes so long. Hang in there, you WILL eventually be done. Stay strong for your kids. Sending virtual hugs to you. You've got this! Stay strong.
Glad I'm not alone. I've done at least half of the things on this list. It's been 2 1/2 years, many days in court and mediation ... finally almost at the point where we can have our separation agreement written up and actually get divorced.
You are truly SO not alone! Congrats on being so close to done. You're done with the really tough part now.
Leaving Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and WhatsApp cause everybody seems so happy and you're not. lol.
I'm back now... Hahaha
So true ladies
Just when I thought I'd never laugh or feel connected with anyone again....thank you so much...(and I've done 27/34 so many times I can't count;)
Wow I'm normal.
75% of these things ring true for me. So sad so so sad. 2 years later now I will be ok !! No regrets is the motto you have to adopt.
Anyone want to date me NOW???
Taking your ring off and crying while being happy at the same time.
Telling your kids why daddy can't live there anymore.
Crying in your closet.
Crying in the shower.
Binge watching shows that you always wanted to watch but never did because your ex didn't like them.
Buying a new outfit and NOT having to hiding the evidence when you get home.
Fixing what YOU want for dinner and not just what's "acceptable".
Going to the movies and actually picking the movie that YOU want to watch.
Actually going to the movies...alone...and being ok with that.
I agree completely! I am almost at 3 years and finally feel human again!
I understand the struggle of the ring, I miss marriage but not the man.
yes, yes, yes!
Thank you for the list!! I can totally relate. I feel so lonely, I want companionship but the hard part is that I still live with my ex-husband with our 2 daughters for financial reasons. So on top of my feelings of loneliness and live in a environment that can be hostile. Reading this list sort of calms my anxiety. I wish you ladies all the best!!!
Reading that list was great for me. I found myself shaking my head "Yes" and smiling to so many of the items. I'm three months officially divorced from a liar and a cheater. Tonight my young adult daughter is having dinner with her Dad. Ugh. I don't understand why and how my children can talk to him. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we used to go to his parents every holiday. Holidays are so rough for me. I end up crying because of the loss of the family. I try to look tough on the outside, but this seems like it is going to take forever to heal.
I am so sorry it is tough. I am still marking divorced almost 20 years latter. Those memories and pain never goes away. We wanted Cinderella happily ever after. I don’t miss the man , as a woman we can have plenty, I miss the father of my children being in the family outings etc.
But I can live my life now and not be weighed down by a no person. I can spend my money how I wish too. There are a lot of cans and over time you will find them and be wow. You have choices don’t be afraid and make those decisions . Be bold , don’t be what others want you to be. Sad , lonely , or depressed, angry and so on. Not to say it’s not “normal” but don’t stay there. Good luck!