7 Habits to totally make you happier during your divorce.
Finding a way to be happy in the middle of a divorce isn’t easy. It’s something that you have to consciously work for. Here are some habits that have really helped me be an overall happier person during my divorce. Try one or two and see if they help ease some of your divorce stress and help you find a sunnier outlook.
1. Find other people who are going through a divorce.
Find a friend who’s in the middle of divorce too. Find a community online. You will feel much less like a freak when you hear someone else’s tales of woe. And you’ll have someone to text or contact for support to ask “is this normal” when no one else can relate to your divorce drama.
2. Don’t stalk your ex on social media.
It’s 2 am and you can’t sleep. It’s easy to try to figure out where he’s been by his Facebook page, but that’s not doing anything but feeding your irrational belief that his life is working out so much better than yours. Which makes you feel like a complete lonely loser. Put your ipad away and go to sleep! Or develop an unhealthy binge watching habit (Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Homeland. Whatever late night online habit you develop, it won’t be as detrimental to your well being as Facebook stalking your ex late at night.)
3. Have a story ready.
Have a short to the point explanation already worked out for why you are divorcing. People will ask you “but why are you divorcing, you seemed so happy!” Decide beforehand what you are going to say so you won’t just burst into tears and carry on. At a PTA meeting not long after we separated, another parent asked me why we were divorcing. Twenty minutes later as I was sputtering with mascara running down my face, I could not stop myself. I learned. Have a tidy answer already planned out. “We have come to a mutual decision to divorce. Our marriage wasn’t working. We think it’s best for both of us.” If this person wants to know more, they can buy you lunch to get the rest of the story.
4. Have another story ready for your kids.
Your kids will ask you so many times, in so many ways. Have a different, age appropriate answer ready for them. If it’s possible, collaborate with your ex to make sure you are both telling the kids the same story.
5. Keep a journal.
Write stuff down. I bought those cheap school composition notebooks and scrawled every crazy (and sometimes surprisingly intelligent) thought that I had. Keep them! When you are feeling discouraged, read some of your past entries. Wow. You’ll be amazed to see how far you’ve come, how much you’ve learned and how truly, incredibly strong you are! (I recently read some entries from last year, and what I was going through then. It was good evidence of how far I’ve come.)
6. Have at least one of these items in your kitchen at all times.
1) Sugar
2) Chocolate
3) Microwave Popcorn
4) Liquor
(This tip is pretty self explanatory.)
7. Do something kinda crazy (for you).
If everyone says that “Maria hates to dance.” Prove them wrong. Do something completely out of character. Dance. Speak up. Learn what it feels like to rewrite that narrow definition of who you are. Because who you are is changing. You can be anyone you want this time.
What habits have helped you be happier during your divorce? Any totally random and kooky ideas that we can try!?
View Comments (26)
I am divorcing my husband after 35 years. He is a narcissist and puts on such a show for everyone around us I'm sure they will not believe it could possibly him because of abuse and betrayal. Hoping my children after all these years will understand that I stayed in for them but it's been a difficult marriage since one year after.
I am going through a separation. My husband of 25+ years says he doesn't love me and thinks of me as an independent.
I am devastated and lost.
I don't think I can make it alone.
I am living day to day with so many chaotic emotions.
Is there an online forum in which I can find support and encouragement?
I’m in this same situation. I’m leaning on my mom, friends and my sons. I find the hardest thing is simply not talking to someone I’ve talked to every day for 30 years. It’s awful.
Hang in there! Don’t give up. I to am going through a divorce with a narcissist after 25 years of marriage....it hasn’t been easy but let me tell you....you WILL find someone who truly loves you & WILL treat you like the queen that you deserve....
I was with someone for 20 yrs. married for 17.5 yrs. I have been single for almost 3 yrs and have not even dated. I am only 40 but I can’t get over the fact that he just has forgotten all about me. He is remarried and seems so happy. When is it my turn? My self esteem is so low and I have systemic lupus. Where is the justice for the women that are innocent?
I I've been married 15 years he's a pathological liar. I would always say how can women live with a man that had double life I'm one of those women can't help feeling dumb and stupid for being able to be taken advantage of.
I'm not just going through a divorce and separation I'm trying to fix all the problems he did for me financially. I have two young children still and as much as people say it will be alright, I feel like I'm in hell.
Same for me. My husband cheated after 12 years and left me with 4 children under 10. Two were still in diapers. I had to fix all the financial messes he created with multiple businesses that were failing. It’s been 7 years and I am still not divorced. I had wanted to work it out for the first year but came to learn that things would never be ‘normal’. I can try to ignore what he did but it will always be there in the background. I refuse to pay him alimony and he still talks to her anyway so here I am. Completely on my own and financially stable. I dated two other men who both cheated on me as well. I’m just now able to take the time to focus on my own emotional healing.
I separated from my husband of 23 yrs (together 27 yrs) because we both got a wall in our marriage. I was the reason HE could never get ahead and I managed everything without asking him for anything. We outgrew each other. He had subconsciously put me down for years BUT I'm the s*@t - I was one when I met him & I'm one now. The name calling and the ugly abuse hurled at me ... but it's ok because he was angry. NO! It's not ok. I mothered his 3 children & always put others before myself. 2 years prior to asking for a separation I told him to move out. I would have thought that was awake up call to reconnect but he was so self absorbed. Here I am 9 months later feeling better about myself. Still unsettled because he fights me every step of the way & I have good days & bad days. Miss my kids (all adults now) .....because they love with him as I had too relocate an hr & a half away to be near my family BUT I'm going to be ok. I'm 45 & I'm worthy. I've rebuilt my self esteem. Still get agitated when I speak to him, but it usually returns into an attack on me "but I'd still take you back" conversation but I'm getting there.
My crazy thing flying to NY celebrate my ex-boyfriend birthday. I will be staying at my sisters. He is buying me a ticket.
My wife is a narcissistic and I’m trying very hard to love her. Some days it seems she hates me just to hate me does anyone have any suggestions for me
After being married to a narcissist for 30 years the only thing I can tell you is that you cannot love them into being a different person. Good luck to you in whatever you decide is best for YOU
I am at the start of a divorce with a narcissist. I was playing nice, as there are 3 little darlings involved(5,3,2). I am supposed to be gone on 2 months of training soon (military) so I hadn't rocked the boat. But then he picked me apart, nasty comment one after another and I snapped. I took my rings off and said I am done. I have no idea what will happen. I am just tired. I know there will be much battle up ahead. I have been alienated from all of my supports by him to keep me under control. He is also military, of higher rank than me and has an OSI. Drinks with his meds...dr 101 dont do that. Anyway, I stood by being blamed for 7 years, picking him up off the floor...I peed in a kids potty once because he was passed out on the toilet in our only bathroom and I couldn't push him off (bathroom to small). Anyway I know I have a bumpy nasty road ahead, but hopefully our paths part soon.
I really like your suggestion to find an online community where we can connect to others going through a divorce as well. I want to help my sister out since she recently told me she needs to find a divorce lawyer due to emotional abuse from her husband. Your article had some unique advice that I think could really help her out during this difficult process, so thank you for taking the time to share!
6 months ago I was completely blindsided in a text, from my husband of 30 years, saying that he doesn’t wish to remain married and wants to be alone. Only to find out alone is not what he wanted , he just didn’t want to be with me. I am just taking each day as it comes. I’ve been married since I was 17 and I am trying to learn who I am. I have learned that after 30 years of narcissism and gaslighting, that it’s not him that I miss it’s the habits that we had formed, that I miss. I am at a point now where I am ready for the legalization of the divorce so I can move completely on.