4 Really Honest Reasons Why I’ll Never Be Parent of The Year.

4 Really Honest Reasons Why I’ll Never Be Parent of the Year.

I thought I was an OK parent when my daughter was younger. I mean, I wasn’t going to be elected Mother of the Year, but I was at least in the race.

When she was cute and little with squishy cheeks, I happily thought “Yay! I don’t totally suck as a parent!”

And then, in some cosmic trick, she’s suddenly become a teen. And all those cute little parenting tricks I once used just don’t cut it anymore.

The days when I could bribe her with a Dora the Explorer sticker or a popsicle, or get her to clean her room by drawing a smiley face on a chore chart are long gone.

Now, parenting is serious business. The implications are huge. The consequences actually matter. Driving. School. Grades. Dating….Sex. AHHH!

So in the interest of full disclosure and transparency, I thought I’d share the top 4 ways that I’m totally sucking at this teen parenting thing.

1. I’m Not Strict Enough.

 I’m way too nice. I cave way too often to her demands. I lack the follow through. I admit it. I get scared. Why? Because I want her to like me. I want her to like me enough in a few years so she’ll come and visit me in The Home when I’m old and immobile.  I want her to bring me chocolate and listen to me babble. 

2. I Forgot to Read that Book About Being A Tiger Mom

Do you remember that book, The Battle Hymn of the  Tiger Mom? The mom, Amy Chua, made her daughter sit at the piano for over 4 hours until the daughter could finally play this one difficult piece of music. 4 hours.

I don’t have the courage to be that much of a mean mommy. Plus, I don’t have the cultural roadmap of being a mean as hell, ass kickin’ Chinese mom.

I’ve realized, even though my daughter might be from China, I’m not a Chinese mom, so at least I have an excuse for not forcing her to sit on a piano bench for 4 hours.

Frankly, my cultural parenting style is Dysfunctional Crazy, Cornbread Southern.

3. Let her spend too much time online.

I know, I know. Her brain is turning to mush. She’s becoming antisocial. But here’s the thing, I’m writing this blog and sitting for hours at my own laptop, so how do I plausibly say don’t be online while I’m slouched over my own computer?

I might be lame but I’m not a hypocrite.

4. And sometimes, I just run out of ideas. 

By the end of the day, I’m out of ideas. She’s gone to school, practice, done her homework. We’ve eaten dinner. She’s taken a shower. What else do I force her to do?

I’ve tried crafts. Family game nights. Sitting and talking (yeah, that went well.)

Sometimes, my mom resolve wears thin and I want to close my door and dive into a glass of Pinot Grigio and my Facebook feed.

I want to lose myself online, the same way she wants to escape to her anime episodes and cat videos.

So, no I won’t be Parent of the Year.

But looking on the bright side, she still loves me, she’s a wonderful young lady and maybe, just maybe she will come to visit me once in a while in The Home.

So, how are you sucking at this parenting game?