A few important tips for dating (and SEX) again after divorce.

If you’ve been married for a long time and now find yourself divorced, I’ve got a news flash for you. You’re lazy. Yep, relationship lazy. That’s what happens when you’ve been in a marriage for a long while.

But if you are now out there on the dating scene, lazy ain’t going to cut it anymore. Well, I’m helping you out with 11 tips for dating after divorce. Let’s get this party started!

Think back to the last time you were single, dating took effort. Dating took work.  (In my case that was a helluva long time ago, and I was wearing parachute pants and listening to my Sony Walkman. Yes, it was a looonnng time ago, but I digress.)

So, in the name of getting you back up and back out there in the dating scene, I’m going to share these 11 tips for dating after divorce. You can do it!

1. Trim the garden and the gams.

If your calves feel like a prickly pear cactus in the Arizona desert, it might be time to break out the old Bic Lady razor and get to work. And word to the wise, keeping your garden trimmed is definitely in. (Wink. Wink. If you know what I mean.)

2. Get a new email address.

Why? If you have a cute email that says “rileysmommy@aol.com, or mamabearof3@gmail.com, you are single now. You need an email that doesn’t mention your kids. You are creating your own identity. An identity that isn’t only an as someone’s mom or spouse. (And if you’re over 40 and still have that old AOL email address from way back in the 90’s, it’s way past time to update to gmail.) 

3. Get some photos where you’re a person, not a parent.

Get some new photos of yourself that don’t show you with your ex or at a school event or posing beside the Christmas tree. Moms never have any decent photos of themselves because we’re always the ones taking the photos. (right?!) Cropping or blurring out your ex’s face in a photo is just not good manners. And selfies can only take you so far. Here’s a post I wrote specifically about taking good photos for your dating profiles.

4. Even if you’re wearing cat hair covered yoga pants, do your hair.

Put on some mascara. Maybe add some concealer and blush. You never know. You might run into a cute single Dad in line at Starbucks. Here’s some super easy, lazy girl beauty hacks you can do in minutes. (which brings me to..)

5. Enough with the ponytail

I know, I know, it’s a hassle to actually have to wash and style your hair but it is time to put some effort back into YOU again.

6. Go

If you get invited somewhere. Go. School event. Neighbor’s party. GO. Just go. Even if you don’t want to go. Make a deal with yourself. Go for one hour, then if you’re miserable you can leave. You have to get back out into living life as a single person again.

7. Be prepared because Single People talk at dinner.

And you’re going to need something to discuss.  If you’re dating again and go on a lunch or dinner date,  you’re going to have to make conversation. You’re going to need something to discuss other than your divorce, your children, your debt from all the attorney fees. You need something engaging to talk about, so gather some new experiences. Try a new restaurant, go to a concert. Take a hike. Do something interesting that you can then discuss.

8. Don’t wait for the right person to find you.

Try online dating. (I swore I’d never do online dating but I did and met an amazing man.) If online dating isn’t for you, join a running club, a reading group, a Meetup event. Whatever you do, get your booty out there!

9. Floss

Sure, science now says it might not stave off heart disease, plus lots of other proven health benefits of flossing but don’t show up with that kale salad you had from lunch in your teeth. Eww. (And keep some floss in your car so you’re always ready.)

10. Find a Hobby

Sure my hobby was obsessing and lying in the fetal position but that gets old pretty quickly. And so I started running with a friend and training for races. Hobbies increase your confidence, get you out into the world, and makes you a more interesting person.

11. Learn to Like You

Yes, you’ve heard this before. It’s the subject of way too many Pinterest quotes, but it really is true. After a divorce, you’ll more than likely be spending more time alone now. And if you’ve got kids, they will probably spend time with your ex. Yep, you’ll be alone more often. You may as well enjoy your own company.

I hope these tips for dating after divorce have inspired you to get back out there. Oh, and above all please remember,  if you do get lucky. Don’t forget to take your socks off. That extra effort shows you really care!

And speaking of extra effort. If you enjoy my posts, please share with your other cool friends!

If you’ve made it back out there, what are your tips for dating after divorce?