You never think you’ll be the one getting a divorce. But it happened to me. And so here I am on the carousel of divorce crappery.
Here I am in the middle of a divorce. And just to make sure that I had a Super Sized order of instability, I lost my job. Yes, I also became another casualty of this mess we call the recent economic meltdown. Nothing like filling out divorce paperwork and unemployment forms at the same time. And by the way, thank God for unemployment insurance. That’s all that stands between me and selling oranges off the freeway.
My worst nightmare had now been realized. I felt like I’d been dumped underneath some freeway overpass in the dead of night. Some mornings, I hid under the covers and sobbed. I stopped answering my phone. (If you called my cell anytime after 2010 and I haven’t called you back yet. I’m sorry. I was too busy having my entire central nervous center breakdown to speak out loud to other humans.)
I couldn’t find the energy to get dressed. I padded around the house in my pajamas until 2pm. I hurt. My lab mix Cassidy would curl up on my bed spooning me and lick away my tears. He sensed my pain.
Who was I now? Me? Married? Single? Separated? Was I part of a family? If someone asked “what do you do?” What would I say? I no longer had a title. There was no title, job or status to hide behind. I was just me. A middle aged Mom. Faults. Insecurities. Good bits and all. But you know what happens when your hiding places are gone? All those things in your life that you’ve put off fixing are now staring you down. Your life. Your family. Your worn our views of the world. They’re all waiting. And the time to deal with all this stuff is now. That closet. The hallway that’s half painted. The marriage you let die. The upside to the downturn? For me, finally coming out of hiding. Finally learning to deal with a relationship long past its prime.
I know, you’re probably thinking that you’ll never be the one getting a divorce. Don’t be too sure. One day you might find yourself packing your crap and moving into your guest room too. It can happen to just about anyone.
Thanks for reading along!