What is your greatest fear during divorce?
I woke up at 2:30 am in a sweat bath of anxiety. What is the fear that wakes me in the darkness? What am I so afraid of?
It is my greatest fear. Fear of disappointing.
See, I was bred to be a pretty Southern girl. My job was not to be smart, not to be witty or accomplished. My job was to make everyone hap, hap, happy! Keep that smile lacquered on your face and do what you are told. Lord have mercy, don’t have an opinion. Don’t make a fuss. Just be sweet as pie and make sure everyone loves you! I can still hear it: “Bless her heart, isn’t she sweet?!” I hate that f*cking word: SWEET. And I hate being that people pleasing fool.
Part of the challenge of my separation and divorce is knowing that I will be disappointing so many- my child, my family, my ex-spouse, my in-laws. I won’t be pleasing anyone at all. This time, I’m going to please myself. How selfish! Perhaps for the very first time in my life, I’m putting my own needs first. That sweet Southern girl is gone.
What is your greatest fear? I hope you can find the strength to fight through your own deep fears.
Know it, feel it, and just keep going anyway. And don’t worry about being sweet.