Wanna ruin a perfectly good day? Try on a pair of jeans that are too tight.

My jeans are too tight and the world is over. At least for the next half an hour.

Want to know the easiest way to ruin your day? Just try on those blue jeans you’ve been hiding in the back of your closet, you know, the ones you’ve been waiting to try on again until you “get skinny”. We all have them, those clothes that are too tight but we can’t let go. My too tight jeans are hanging behind the winter coats, the rain gear and the special occasion dress that I bought, spent way too much money on and have never worn but hang onto it anyway, tags still attached.

jeans that are too tight.

I’ve kept these jeans because, God help me, one day I’ll have them on again. I’ll make these skinny jeans my bitch. (And these jeans are definitely not those dreaded Mom Jeans that are now back in style. Yes, here’s my rant on those heinous denim babies, but I digress…)

Today was the day, I just felt it. It was a beautiful morning. I’d had plenty of coffee, checked my emails, already accomplished a few things on my To Do list. This was the morning. I felt it. The moment of wardrobe truth.

I dug the denim out of the back of my closet, where I’d hidden them. A pair of Paige denim peg skinny jeans in a dark rinse in all their magical butt enhancing, Nordstrom purchased, denim awesomeness.

I’ve been working out, eating (pretty) well, and (trying) not to drink too much Sauvignon Blanc at night. I’ve lost a few pounds, not bloated. I was feeling pretty good. I was cocky.

I tugged and pulled them on (they are skinny jeans after all), and did that strange kicking, Irish step dancing move to shimmy them up over my butt. A little bead of sweat formed on my upper lip. I got them on. So far, so good. And then, I exhaled.

Not good. The jeans were on, technically, but if I wanted to be able to sit, maybe breathe, or be able to digest food, these jeans were not an option. Too much me and not enough jeans. More sausage casing than jeans.

The jeans are too tight. My good day was officially over. Done. Over, and it wasn’t even 8:30 No matter what happened today, everything else after this was a warm pile of poo.

jeans that are too tight.

Win the lottery? Score an invite to tea with Kate and William? Whatever, my pants are too tight. I’m cranky. Leave me alone.

After a small, slight temper tantrum in my closet, a string of F bombs and other random cuss words, the jeans are now hanging in the back of the closet again.

Taunting me. I know they are there.

I should know better by now. The surest way to ruin a good day?  Put on a pair of pants that are too tight, and everybody else, get the hell out of the way.

Comments

  1. says

    I’m laughing because this is so true. It’s like when it is time to start wearing the next season’s clothing and you put on something from last year and it is too tight. It’s just depressing. I think we all have that pair of jeans in our closet that we are hoping to “get back into” someday. Probably should just let it go and move forward!

    • says

      Oh I hate when you haul out the clothes from the newest season and you realize that everything is way too tight. Argh! It does ruin your whole day! thanks for stopping by and saying Hey!

  2. says

    Haha aww! We’ve all been there.

    Can I tell you a dreadful secret? I still wear maternity jeans…My youngest is almost a year and a half. Trying on my “skinny” jeans? Not going there for a while, that’d be a week-ruining event!

  3. says

    I finally got rid of those jeans. I figure if I ever really lose weight I will enjoy shopping for new ones. As j comment I sit waiting to go to a full day symposium to celebrate my mothers career. Because I am seeing my mother my hair is brushed, I have on lipstick, and I am in my black dress pants. Pants that might even be called slacks if it didn’t make me vomit. These babies are tight around the waist. They are cutting me in two. And they aren’t even Paige denim.

  4. says

    Bad jeans, go back in the closet and stay there until I say you can come out! I was in a perfectly good mood, better yet Mr. butthole jeans I may just go shopping for ANOTHER brand as a big F.U. to you and your brand.

  5. says

    I just went through this last week. The worst part is I will try them on a day later just to see if they will fit again. hahahaha. NOPE!

  6. says

    Wonderful and hilarious. Yes, I know that feeling, second only to having the wrong number appear on the scale.

    Great, relatable post. Thank you.

  7. says

    Haha – so true, this does always ruin a day. Even worse is going shopping & trying something on that’s your size & it not fitting (unless it’s too big!)

  8. says

    Aw, man! Definite day ruiner! But at least you got a humorous post out of it. Love it!

    I once watched a friend in high school help another friend get into her jeans by the gal putting them on then lying on the floor and pulling the zipper as close together as possible while the other friend used PLIERS to pull the zipper shut. Yep, tight, tight, tight… ’70s style. 😀

    • says

      Oh Lordy! I remember doing that for my older sister! She laid on the bed while I had to zip up her jeans. Amazing that we didn’t all have permanent internal injuries!

  9. says

    Love this, so hilariously funny…if not a little tragic! I am happy to say I currently have the opposite problem, now that Weight
    Watchers and I a BFFs again. Nearly everything is TOO BIG, even the skinnies. The last time I was small enough to fit into skinny jeans, well, they didn’t exist yet, LOL! My daughter told me today there may be a Macy’s gift card in my future (for Mothers Day) so I can buy some real clothes.

  10. says

    This was great! I felt the same way going clothes shopping today. It’s so discouraging to feel one way then look at yourself and see something altogether different. But instead of letting it bother me I ate some chocolate and didn’t workout… That’s how to deal with that problem, right? 😉

  11. says

    I hear you Rosie and so do millions of other women! I have things in my closet that I say yes I will wear that one day! I love my comfy yoga pants which is a bit of a cop out. I hope your day improves 🙂

  12. says

    this is the story with most of my jeans lately – somewhere over the last year or so, weight has crept on when I wasn’t looking and my pants are just not comfortable any more. Yoga pants are my go-to around the house and I just avoid any zip up pants wherever possible – I feel your pain!

  13. says

    Oh gosh, this is so true. I just had my third child and it is so depressing every time I try to put on any non-maternity wear. Much easier to just let it all hang out in the stretchy band jeans!

    • says

      I wish I could let it all hang out all the time, it would be so much easier until you actually have to wear something that buttons!

  14. says

    OMG, sooooo ture and funny. Why do we do it to ourselves. Mine are in the back corner of the closet and have been untouched for so long that there is a visible build-up of DUST on the hanger! I just took a webinar where the leader said to get rid of all those “someday” clothes because every time you see them, you register, consciously or unconsciously , guilt and judgement and that sabotages your efforts to lose weight. Maybe I’ll try that and buy fancy new threads when I’m “there” again!

    • says

      Woo hoo!!! Now that’s an awesome way to shop. There is no better feeling than fitting into something you couldn’t fit into for years and then getting back into it. Way to go!

  15. says

    the lives of us women are truly complex ones you made me laugh so much cause i had a too tight jean moment this weekend and i was devastated for a few minutes until i tried to get out of them. its touch out there

    • says

      Putting on tight jeans is the worst! It can be tough for us girls out there! Glad to know I’m not the only one with this issue!

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