Increase your Self Esteem: simple ways to feel more confident everyday.

You can increase your self esteem and self worth, it just takes a few simple tricks.

how to increase your self esteem

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Your self esteem can take a beating during divorce. You feel depressed and disappointed. You find fault with everything about yourself.

How many times have you caught yourself saying horrible things about yourself? Stupid? Fat? Loser? Oh yes, the negative self talk of divorce.

Whether it’s out loud or in your head, these hateful nuggets say that your self esteem is in need of some rebuilding and repair. But there are ways concrete ways to feel more confident, less depressed and less “in hate” with yourself.

I’m certainly not one with high self esteem. It’s always been a battle for me to overcome self doubt and negative self talk.

I’m not perfect in that department but I have found a few tricks and tips to increase my belief in my own self worth. I’m getting better.

I haven’t gone from a mouse sized ego to a Trump sized ego, but I do like myself more and have cut the mean self talk way down.

Here’s some tips that have helped me.

  1. Don’t wait for self esteem to come and knock you over the head. 

Self esteem is not a magic spell. I read books on increasing your self worth and kept waiting for the magic phrase I’d utter and suddenly feel awesome about myself. I’ve learned though, there is no magic when it comes to self esteem. It’s teeny, tiny changes bit by bit.

Here’s an article with some great wisdom on self esteem from New York Times bestselling author and Happiness expert, Gretchen Rubin.

You can’t wait for your self worth to increase, you have to do things that challenge you. Take a class. Talk to someone at Starbucks. Say no. Your self esteem increases each time you take a small action.

2. Don’t wait till you feel like doing something, do it anyway. 

I figured this out the other morning as I was lying in bed waiting for the horrible drone of my iphone alarm to go off.

I’m never going to feel ready to get out of bed in the morning, I just have to do it. Once I get up and taste that first sip of coffee, I’m fine.

The same goes for self esteem. I’m never going to feel worthy enough (smart enough, skinny enough or any of the “enoughs”), to try lot of things I want to do.

I just have to set off and do things anyway. Just like that first sip of coffee, once I get started on any task, I’m OK.

3. Don’t let anyone say ugly things about you. 

Don’t let your children, former spouse, friends or anyone say less than flattering things about you. Let people know the way that you must be treated.

I have a beautiful friend whose boyfriend grabs the flesh on her thighs, on her stomach and call her “chubby”. This chucklehead says it’s just a joke. He’s “only kidding!”  WTF?

Don’t ever let anyone undermine your self worth. And don’t let anyone off the hook because “they’re just kidding”. No flesh grabbing, no mean nicknames, no jokes on your behalf. Walk away, hang up the phone.

4. Practice Power Poses. 

Here a link to an amazing Ted Talk with Harvard researcher, Amy Cuddy. Through her research, she discovered that how you stand and move not only affects how others perceive you; your body posture actually changes the chemistry in your own brain. It changes how you think about yourself.

Cortisol (stress) hormones decrease and testosterone and other feel good brain chemicals increase when people stand, walk and sit in powerful open body positions. According to Cuddy: “If you act powerfully, you will begin to think powerfully.”

She recommends practicing these power poses (which remind me of Wonder Woman!) for two minutes. Faking feeling powerful actually makes you become more powerful, and now research proves it.

I hope these tips help you discover some of your own self worth and powerful beauty. You are worthy just as you are. 

Have you found any strategies to help you boost your own self esteem? Would love to hear them! 



  1. says

    Great suggestions! I haven’t been through a divorce, but I certainly have struggled with self esteem or caring too much what others thing. At midlife, though, it’s getting a whole lot easier to let go of what others think and say “what the heck, why not give it a try?”

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