A few tips to survive those crazy, second thoughts you’ll have after filing for divorce.
Is it normal to have second thoughts about filing for divorce? Let me answer that in two simple words: Hell. Yes. If you’ve been in a marriage or relationship for a long time, it’s all you know. You’ve invested years of your life to this partnership, so of course you’ll have doubts. Should you question ending a long term marriage? Of course.
If, like my spouse and I, you simply grew apart. If there were no huge cosmic relationship explosions, second thoughts are a rational response.
If you built a family, memories, a life, had kids, but somewhere along the way you just lost your way as a couple, you’ll have doubts.
Most definitely, you are going to have questions, doubts and second thoughts.
From personal experience, I know it’s hard to leave a relationship that isn’t horrible. And it’s harder still to justify that leaving. To family, to friends and probably most of all, to yourself.
It’s often not so simple to decide to leave, and stay separated, when the marriage simply broke down or you grew apart. That’s a more difficult decision. Deciding to leave, and then sticking with that decision isn’t always an easy choice to make.
If the marriage wasn’t that bad, it can be a difficult decision to end the relationship.
If you’re on a boat that’s going down. Of course, you abandon ship. But if your marriage is more like a leaky old rowboat taking on water. What do you do? Jump ship or stay and bail it out?
Did I have second thoughts?
Hell yes, I had second thoughts. Many times. My marriage wasn’t bad. My ex is a good person. We have a child.
But in the end, a marriage between two people who could no longer communicate, who fought way too often, didn’t seem like a good environment to raise our child in. And so ultimately, we made the decision that separating and divorcing would be better for our child’s long term emotional health.
Ending our marriage was a tough decision, but it seemed like the best choice because in the end, my daughter has two parents who both love her beyond measure but now lived in separate houses.
Two houses with two happy people (who weren’t arguing) seemed like a better alternative for her to grow up in.
So if you’re having second thoughts about filing for divorce, know those second thoughts are completely normal.
If both you and your spouse are having doubts and feel strongly about working on your marriage, give it a go. Maybe a separation has allowed both of you the space to work on your own issues and become better partners.
But the decision to try again in your marriage, has to be a decision that both partners go in to willing and ready to work.
And so, here’s my suggestion: if you are having second thoughts about your separation, know that you’re not alone. It’s a normal part of any important decision. And filing for divorce is a huge decision.
Any rational person will have those thoughts. And know that those thoughts will more than likely subside as you grow your new life.
Did you have any second thoughts about your divorce?