How To Rock A Menopot.

It’s time ladies.

It’s time to learn to rock a Menopot.

Loosen those pants and let your middle aged middle hang loose and free my friends.

Muffin Top.

Jelly belly.

The area formerly known as your waist.

how to rock a menopot, that middle aged pudgy middle

(This would be how I DON’T look.)

Whatever you decide to call it we all know what it is. That squishy lump around your middle that, once you hit 40, just won’t go away.

A menopot is that place on your body you never even paid attention to when you were young and silly. Years ago. You know like when you used to drive thru Taco Bell and ordered a Nachos Bell Grande at 10:30 at night and you still wore a size 2.

taco bell drive thru

In case you aren’t sure if you have a menopot or not. Let me explain. It’s where your flat belly and hipbones used to be. Yeah, not anymore.

The menopot starts slowly. First its a cute little roll. Then it expands like warm bread dough into a full fledged loaf of Wonder Bread strapped to your middle. Then it becomes the menopot. The curse of women everywhere.

I’m not even in menopause yet, but my body has been getting ready for it for the past decade or so.

No matter how thin you get, no matter how much weight you lose. That menopot ain’t going nowhere.

I’ve spent too many hours and minutes obsessing about how to hide, mask or get rid of the ‘pot.

I’ve hated on. Cursed it. It. Won’t. Go. Away.

So I’m trying something new this summer. I’m not going to try to hide my menopot this summer. Instead, I’m going to learn to rock it. I mean, like put it out there and show it off.

There are some good things about the menopot.

For instance, you can use it to prop your book up when you read a novel in bed. Your pants will never fall off.

And….well I’ll think of a few more and get back to you.

In the meantime, here’s how to rock your menopot this summer.

how to rock a jiggly middled aged middle fat menopot

1. Will You Go Over, or Will You Go Under.

First, you’ll need to determine, if you are going to wear your pants up and over the menopot, or slung low and let your menopot itself escape over the waistband. If you choose to hike your pants up and over it, you’ll look like a geeky nerd with camel toe.

If you choose to lower your pants underneath your menopot, it’s more of a plumber/trucker look.

Personally I vary. Yoga pants? Go up and over the pot. Jeans. I sling low and let it escape upwards.  (Here’s a post I wrote about my whole “issue” with mom jeans and the middle aged middle. Yes, I’m still angry about that fashion trend.)

2. Bare It With a Bikini.

I say ditch the compression one piece with the slimming panels and rock a bikini.

Take the menopot out for a stroll on the beach. Let it sit out and get some sun poolside.

You won’t have to worry about getting any sun on your legs, the overhang from the menopot will totally shade your thighs. (See I knew I’d come up with another good thing about the menopot!)

3. Having a Menopot Proves You’re Not Perfect.

You’re so damned smart, gorgeous and compassionate. By letting your menopot play peek-a-boo with the world, you’ll let people see that you are not, in fact, perfect. Everyone will feel so better about themselves knowing this.

See, you’re a helper.

4. Say No To Your Galpal Ms. Spanx.

Dare yourself to wear a dress without squeezing into a pair of Spanx underneath. Let your middle be free. You’ll be able to digest food. Sit down without being held prisoner via spandex.

A bonus? You can also use your menopot to balance a small plate of appetizers at any outdoor bar-b-ques you attend. That means, you can hold an even bigger glass of wine. Win!

5. You’ll Start Your Own Menopot Uprising.

Just think. Other women will see you in all your freedom, menopot proudly displayed and think: “Hell yeah. I want some of that too”.

You’ll start your own female freedom movement.

6. You are a role model.

Yes, you. Proud owner of a menopot and not afraid to show it kinda lady.

Now go out and show that menopot off this summer like you mean it.

Comments

  1. says

    I have had this jiggly midsection since motherhood mangled my body and left me with zero options but to laugh at my own loose skin. I work out every day, rocking all the core moves to no avail. Last night, my fitness-obsessed teen was examining his abs in the hall mirror (checking on his progress.) I proudly lifted my shirt and showed him why he should be glad he’ll never endure pregnancy. It’s so much fun to be shameless, isn’t it?
    Rica@ Yoga Mat Monkey recently posted…The Truth About Money That Will Blow Your MindMy Profile

  2. says

    That’s hilarious! I am convinced nature sets out to make us as unattractive as possible once we get past childbearing years so that men don’t waste any time pursuing women that cannot grow their babies!!!! Why else the lumpy body and hairy chin?

  3. says

    Absolutely loved the article. I gave up spandex etc. long ago and rock the pot 24-7!
    My first but not last visit to your blog.
    Like Arnuld I will be back.

    • says

      You are made of some special brave stuff lady! I’m considering having a huge burning pile of spandex and sacrificing them to the spandex gods, but damn I paid alot for those damned torture devices!

  4. says

    I agree with you – sometimes I like to wear something up over that cute little roll and sometimes I like the low slung action. It has been hard to accept the loss of my waist but I’ve learned to adjust and redefine where my waist actually lands. It is somewhat of a moving target but moving upward slowly. By the time I’m in a nursing home I expect it will be one of my neck rolls. LOL!
    Molly STevens recently posted…“How to Write and Share Humor” comes to Bangor as part of world tourMy Profile

  5. says

    oh man….that pooch that just won’t quit! I have given up on shifting it – I haven’t rocked it yet so that will be my aim for the future. Maybe I’ll swap out the tankini for a bikini next Summer and really let it all hang out!

  6. says

    Good for you Rosemond! I enjoy being active and exercising and at almost 59 could probably rock a bikini. Great post showing that there is more to midlife women than worrying about changes in body. Life is to be enjoyed and there are too many hangups these days about body image. I like the idea of using your menopot to rest your book on LOL:) Sue from Sizzling Towards Sixty.
    sue recently posted…My Midlife Career Change – Be AdventurousMy Profile

  7. says

    Menopot… love it! Personally I’m a fan of anything which squishes it all down and holds it all in …

    But what to do about what Oprah calls the “Flags”!?

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