Heading to LA? How not to look like a total idiot if you see a celebrity.

How not to look like a complete and total idiot if you see a celebrity in LA.

Heading to LA? How not to look like an idiot if you see a celebrity.

I live in Los Angeles, a town full of famous people.

You are accustomed to co-existing with celebrity types. I mean, these people have to drop their kids off at school, pick up prescriptions, or get cavities filled at the dentist just like the rest of us common folk.

You get used to seeing them. Mostly. But sometimes it’s still starling. You’re in Trader Joe’s and suddenly-boom. A very tall Conan O’Brien appears from behind an avocado display. It’s probably a lot like going on a wild animal safari in Kenya and seeing a lion dart out from behind a big bush. Celebrities are like lions, not totally real until you make eye contact.

So I thought I’d put together a list to help you out in case you come to LA. Here are some tips on how to handle any potential celebrity sightings and not make a total ass of yourself.

Heading to LA- How not to look like an idiot if you see a celebrity.

First off, it can be hard to tell if that is in fact your favorite actor. Here are some ways to tell.

Grooming.

Is that a homeless man or Leonardo DiCaprio who just walked into that vintage shop on La Brea Avenue? That’s probably Leo. You see, the bigger the celebrity the more their wardrobe choices resemble someone who’s living out of a car. It’s the star’s way of  proclaiming “I’m so handsome, I don’t even have to bathe and I still look amazing.”

Another dead giveaway?  Facial hair.

That guy with the ratty overgrown beard? Just another Academy Award winner hiding his flawless features and chiseled jawline beneath an out of control beard. (By the way, this facial hair rule does NOT apply to female stars.)

There are other rules for spotting female celebrities.

Size.

You’re going to have to look really hard to spot a female star. The really famous ones are so tiny and thin, they can be hard to actually see with the naked eye.  The larger, and less famous ones, wear a size zero. If you want to see a celebrity, a great place to find her might be in line at Starbucks, or Coffee Bean because they drink caffeine in place of eating actual food.

So if you see someone who has amazing hair, flawless skin but looks like she needs a sandwich, that’s probably a star. She’s busy starving for her next role.

Now that you can spot them, don’t lose your sh@&.

Don’t scream an actor’s most famous movie line at them. For instance, if you see Tom Hanks walking down Sunset Blvd., don’t scream “Run Forrest Run” from the window of your rental car.  And don’t call out song lyrics either. If you are lucky enough to see Brittany Spears emerge from a Range Rover at her favorite juice bar, don’t yell out, “Brittany, I’m not that innocent!” Don’t do it out-of-towner.

And stop with the selfies. Don’t chase your favorite TV actor out to the valet stand and make him wait while you try to figure out how to take a decent selfie with your new iphone. I know you need to post it on Facebook, but let the guy get home to his family.

Another tip, don’t flag down an actor on the way to his car and yell out: “Hey, you’re THAT guy from THAT show!” If you can’t remember his name or the show he’s on, you aren’t really that big a fan anyway.

Another celebrity no no? If you see Kaley Cuoco from The Big Bang Theory, don’t freak out and yell, “Hey, you’re Kaley Cuoco from The Big Bang Theory.” She already knows her name and probably even the name of the sitcom she’s been starring in for several years.

The exception to any of these rules would be a Kardashian sighting. If that happens, swarms of photographers will appear from nowhere, running into traffic and jumping onto parked cars.  Might remind you of a scene from The Walking Dead. For your own safety, duck and cover in place until the storm of paparazzi has passed.

Now you know the rules if you see a celebrity in LA. Hey, you’ll be so cool they might just think you’re somebody famous too who just jetted into town for some premiere.

And by the time you leave LA, you’ll probably be so used to seeing celebrities, you won’t even want to post it on Facebook when you run into Ryan Gosling at Rite Aid.

Yeah, right.

Comments

  1. says

    haha When I lived in LA, I had 90% of my celebrity spottings while working at Apple on the Promenade. You got used to it pretty quickly and instead, just felt bad when they’d get mobbed by people or paparazzi outside the store.

  2. says

    Thank you for my moring smile! I was born and raised in Los Angels and my father was an extra in countless movies. I always get a kick out of fans going crazy over celebrities. I love your take.

  3. Helene Cohen Bludman says

    This is so funny! I get very excited when I spot a celebrity but I try to be cool. Doesn’t always work!

  4. says

    HA HA! My fiance should read this. He himself is an actor who is in a lot of things, but for some reason, when he sees celebs he gets a little star struck. Me, nope. I am an entertainment reporter, it doesn’t phase me.

  5. says

    Haha! This made me laugh out loud. I went to LA last summer and ran in to no celebrities. I was actually a little disappointed. Ill keep these tips in mind for the next time. 😉

    • says

      I worked in entertainment as did my ex so we had lots of interactions. One of my favorite actresses was Doris Roberts, who just passed away. She was so wonderful!

  6. says

    One of my close friends literally plowed into Sam Shepard on a NYC block, as in set him on his butt. She said he could not have been nicer about it, even had a laugh with her given their size differences. I agree, it’s best to remember they are people going about their business when they are out and about town.

  7. says

    Loved this! So funny 🙂 I don’t think I’d be able to keep my cool though… I’d be the scary person who won’t stop staring and forgets to swallow so drool runs down their chin!

  8. says

    That’s hilarious! I love in LA too and have run into and worked with tons of celebrities throughout the years. I’ve never been into autographs or getting my pictures taken with them. Sometimes, if I’m sitting in a cast Q & A at a theater I may grab a shot with my camera to put on my Instagram but that’s about it. And I don’t live too far from Kim Kardashian and her oiled up bare butt.

    • says

      Oh Lord! The Kardash! I was at a Coffee Bean and she showed up with a trail of photogs, it was mayhem. I am SO over the entire clan!!

  9. says

    I saw Will Ferrell at Commander’s Palace in New Orleans. I walked past him on my way to the restroom, but played it cool. Figured he had the right to eat in peace. But it was still pretty cool. Did I pass your test? 🙂

  10. says

    lol that’s really good advice. I’m sure lots of folks would get star struck but I generally don’t when I’m in NYC and see them. And I often do. They are generally walking around minding their own business just like the rest of us!

  11. Shelly king says

    I recently saw Ozzy Osborne and his son Jack at Bass Pro in the Pyramid in Memphis. We took pictures when they walked past but I noticed a lot of people following them to get selfies. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t bother them.

  12. says

    Ha! Love it! I took a girls trip to Bev Hills a couple of years ago and we spotted I think 7 celebrities in one weekend. Pretty good but I totally agree…the women we saw were sooo thin! We crossed Janice Dickinson in a crosswalk and talk about near invisible!

  13. says

    HA! Last time I was in LA I saw Reese Witherspoon. I wouldn’t have been able to see her without her straw fedora and crowd of peeps. She was in fact tiny.

  14. says

    Haha great tips for if I’m ever in LA. I certainly have met a few celebs, but never gone too crazy over it. Most of it was through extras work on movie sets so it just wasn’t appropriate.

    liz @ j for joiner

  15. says

    Haha – brilliant tips! I’ve never seen anyone really famous (but then I do live in Britain). My mother casually mentioned in conversation a couple of years ago that she met Freddie Mercury at a party when she was in college. That to me is playing it far too cool – I was 34 & that was the FIRST mention my mother had ever made of partying with Freddie Mercury! She actually met him met him too – like he showed up with one of her friends! Madness!

  16. says

    So true. I also live in LA, and (sorry to my out of town visitors) sometimes get embarrassed by the freakouts when they see celebrities.

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