The heart felt ways to help a friend or family member struggling with divorce.

The Four Simple Words We All Want To Hear. Someone Might Be Waiting to Hear Them Now.

How to show compassion for someone going through a tough divorce |


During some of the darkest days of my divorce, my phone was often silent. No calls. No texts. It was just me alone with my thoughts and that gaping hole of emptiness where my life used to be.

I was too scared to call anyone. Too afraid that they’d answer the phone and I’d have to talk. I could hide behind a text. But if we spoke on the phone, they’d hear the strain in my voice. Hear past the lame small talk I would struggle to make. They’d realize the truth of how broken I really was.

It was so strange. I didn’t want to speak to anyone and risk having to explain the situation again. I didn’t want anyone to guess how much I was still struggling to pick myself up after my divorce. But I still hoped someone would leave me a message or text. Or send me an email.

And what’s the message I so wanted to hear? The simple reassurance of four little words.


I’m blessed because a few friends did just that. A simple text would pop up on my phone, “I’m thinking about you.” Those words were a tiny lifeline tethering me to others, a light cutting through the fog of aloneness. Those words let me know: even though I felt so profoundly alone, I really wasn’t.

Those messages were a sign that I was going to be OK.

The four simple words we all want to hear

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So often, we are reluctant to reach out to a friend who’s going through a crisis because we simply don’t know what to say. Divorce, illness, losing someone, or even a fractured relationship.

If you’ve been reluctant to reconnect with a friend because you don’t know what to say, just say, or send, those four little words.

They might not be much, but they might mean the world to your friend.


  1. says

    This is so true. It’s not hard to send those 4 words, and they can make the world of difference. I think people just don’t know what to say sometimes, or how to handle things when others are grieving. Sometimes too, as time goes on, others put things in the past as it doesn’t relate to them personally and it’s easy to forget that someone may still be struggling after a longer period of time. Even just sitting in a room with a friend and just being there can be so comforting, I think. It’s just that feeling of knowing someone cares. Lovely post, Rosie.

    • says

      Linda thank you for your comments, it does help so much just to let the other person know that they are not forgotten. It doesn’t take much to make someone feel just a little bit less isolated.

  2. says

    I was lucky too. Had friends by my side the whole time. But I can’t imagine it would be easy when your main friends are “couple” friends.

  3. says

    Those words are powerful. I know exactly what it’s like to feel starved of attention while simultaneously not wanting any. It’s an indescribable feeling and those little words are enough to perk you back up!

  4. says

    So important to hear and see words like that especially when your going through a crisis in your life. People underestimate the importance of the simplest of words.

    • says

      yes! and they don’t even have to respond at all. I think it’s an easier way to reach out and not put burdens on the other person, it certainly make me feel better.

  5. says

    I think that people are afraid to react when someone dear goes through a rough time, because they don’t know what to say, not because they don’t want to help. And that is why the phone doesn’t ring. But that doesn’t mean that they are not thinking about you and that they are not hoping that you are ok. It’s just that maybe they don’t know how to help.

    • says

      I agree so much. Int can be way too heard to know what to say and we feel too uncomfortable. I’m learning to just say something to let them know that they are in my thoughts and maybe not SO alone.

  6. says

    I think we should support our friends through the hardest times even if we don’t know what they are going through. I think we are all guilty of drifting away because we don’t know how to deal with a situation.

  7. says

    Yes, u know these might be just four simple words but they have a lot of weight in them. Just the fact that someone somewhere is thinking about somebody can make and mar the day for the somebody.

  8. says

    Fully agree with the power of these 4 words.. “I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU” So many stressful situations in life when one feels so much better hearing them.. Thanks for sharing your personal experience.

  9. says

    The power of words described here perfectly. This is very true, we can make a difference in someone else life’s with simply a few words that mean so much and could help someone in their hardest times.

  10. says

    I can totally relate! My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago and it’s been lonely without the daily calls and texts (we were long distance) and I tried to reach out to my friends and suggested we talk more on the phone versus just texting but life gets in the way and everyone is “busy” and it didn’t last. Hang in there!
    Jill recently posted…Practical Ways to Get 5 Servings of Fruits & VeggiesMy Profile

  11. says

    You’re so right. Sometimes all you need is a little reassurance that your friends care. More people should send kind words like these.

  12. says

    OMG! I needed this today! I am going through a rough time with my separation, and it is more hurtful that my friends and family do not call or text at all! They say call me if you need anything! I hate that! Thanks for this post, you summed up exactly how I feel!

  13. says

    Totally aggred with you… we need to start showing we care to our friends and family and tell them we care.

    I recently lost my dad of cancer and it wasnt easy for me or my family. During his treatment , there were times when i would get messages on fb from my close friends who live far away and i cant explain how strong it would make me feel…

    • says

      I am so sorry that you recently lost your dad to cancer, it must be so hard for you. There are no words. It is amazing how much such a simple gesture can help you know that you are not alone. So glad you had friends to make you stronger during your loss.

  14. says

    I can’t imagine going through a divorce but having people who love you by your side is so beneficial. This can be a very lonely time, thank you for reminding us to stick by those who need us.

  15. says

    I recently reconnected with a very good friend by a simple text of “I miss you.” It is true that many people, including myself, just need to hear simple words like that.

  16. says

    I am so guilty of hiding in the shadows because I fear saying the wrong thing to friends/family in times of crisis. Weird that I’m a a writer and sometimes I lose my words in the most critical moments. My aunt just lost her beloved companion (her 16-year old fur baby) and I struggled with the right phrase. But in the end, a simple, “I’m thinking of you” was all I needed to show her my heart is with her. We don’t have to be eloquent, just honest. Great post. I’ve pinned this!
    Rica@ Yoga Mat Monkey recently posted…When Gangsta Rap and Yoga are the Good Sh*tMy Profile

  17. says

    I know exactly how you feel Rosie and I didn’t want to see anyone after my divorce but I still needed to know people cared. I think it is true of life in general. Sometimes we are the ones that keep in touch all the time and then wonder if it would be reciprocated if we stopped communicating. We all need to know someone is thinking of us and cares about us.
    sue recently posted…Embrace Failure Take a Chance on LifeMy Profile

  18. says

    I’m going throught a very familiar moment where I don’t feel like ppl even care about me right now so j don’t even think anyone’s thinking of me right now .

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