Filling out divorce paperwork sucks. Here’s why.
Here I sit, filling out a disgustingly huge pile of divorce paperwork.
A stack of forms with friendly names like FL-150 and FL-142; assets and debts, income and expense.
I once thought that I was slightly intelligent. Yet here I am confronted by this pile of legal torture and I feel stupid and defeated. Do attorneys design these papers to be confusing so that they make us feel clueless and automatically put themselves in a place of power?
Check here, sign there.
Please tell me every last detail of your adult life.
Let’s examine all your mistakes. All the times you were a moron. Would you like to perform a pelvic exam too?
Why don’t you just reach on over and jiggle my inner thigh?
Go ahead. My entire life has been reduced to a sad pile of legal forms. I have no more secrets.
According to this divorce paperwork, I’m a failure.
I’m one of life’s losers. A tired woman in her 40’s who tried to be more but failed.
These divorce papers map that so obviously. I am nothing more than the sum of my numerous wrong turns.
But what the paperwork doesn’t show is how hard I’ve tried. How much I’ve wanted to just be good.
It doesn’t show that I sing along to Katy Perry in the car with my daughter. That I held my Grandmother’s hand as she died. That I rescue stray animals from roadsides. There’s no blank to tell them that I saved two women from drowning in Hawaii. That I support public radio. That I’m a good person. I smile and say hello. I overtip.
That I tried so very, very hard.
Maybe the ten or so hours I’ve been slumped over these papers is just too much. Maybe it’s dredging up too much stale hurt. I must step away and breathe.
When I sat down to write this post I had wanted to make it funny, but I can’t. There is no humor in filling out divorce paperwork. I can usually find something funny in any situation, but today I can’t. I’m sorry. I truly did try.
More funny stuff next time, I promise.
xoxo-Rosie
I love you and you’re brave and it’s time to get some sleep. Oxox
Thank you for the props. I’m trying.
thanks mama!
i’ve been there. It does get better. It really does. Hugs.
Thank you for the support. I’m waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and hope its not a freight train coming towards me!! So appreciate the encouragement!
thank you so much!!
Liv, thank you!!!
Hope this doesn’t offend anyone & if it does I am truely sorry that is never my intention :)….Ususally I never respond cause I don’t think my opinions are of any benefit but I guess today was all about me cause your post elicited such a strong empathetic & sympathetic response in me…well my little bit of self filter I have left at 43 and almost a year into my own divorce was on vacation today so here I go…. “Please don’t own any part of defining yourself by the answers to irrelevant and insignificant questions that your are inappropriately intrusively subjected to answering in some form or another repeatedly by our judicial system… cause that is what it is, but will add dysfunctional judicial system that must dehumanize us to function in any way whatsoever (which is usually dysfunctional functioning I will add as my opinion)… just put the number on the non true you when dealing with anything related to this divorce and know that going through this whole process not even 10% of the true you will have an opportunity to be “legally considered” for decision making (think of the judge saying “objection sustained” every time you try and display a positive attribute)… so instead pretend u are in a bullfighting arena (cause the courthouse feels about as humane, right?) and choose which Toreadora (any supporting bullfighter on the team that is fighting the bull(shit ;)) you want to be that time (answering questions on a form, a court appearance, or (in my opinion the worst) on your submitted disclosure reply packet, etc.) and strut out there like you own that bull(shit) & yours smells of roses and apple pie a la mode! Make yourself appear like the top Picadora commanding your powerful stallion (the horseman who pricks the bull early in the fight in order to force it’s head to remain low) or “runway walk” into court as the queen Banderilla (the fighter who implants the well decorated darts, banderillas, into the neck & shoulders of the bull mid-fight), and when the time comes to go for your last pass to end this insanity of a sporting event/spectacle (I mean court event drawn out & intended to make you feel like your life is a public spectacle ) make yourself feel inside and outwardly appear as the #1 Matadoress (added the “ess” cause chicks rock and feminine definitions are cool…anyway… the principle bullfighter who is appointed to come in and make the final pass in a very memorably valiant way) in the world, show that 10% true you that is strong, undefeatable, of higher intelligence & able to rise above the bull(shit), part of you. Then you can leave the arena on your terms, knowing it was never you or your thing, and never look back… like you get that I’m saying “disassociate” from it, play the game on your terms, therefore you are unable to own or make any part of it you unless you want to…. that is what is working for me, but didn’t know it until I responded because I was SOOO relating to your post this time and am right there with you sister (but in IL & from CA so you’re probably warmer than me right now)!… hope that helps or at least makes you smile or you think, “shit I am doing better than that poor gurl ;)”!… Hang in there cause you are VERY APPARENTLY strong, loving, & resilient so you will be victorious or figure out a way to perceive the outcome that way to increase your positive attributes and move forward in life with greater joy :)… I can tell :)”… only one person’s perimenopausal sleep deprived perspective so take with a grain of salt please 😉 🙂 Prayers & Hugs & Positive Thoughts Your Direction!
Thank you for your comment. No, no offense at all. You are right, I need to disassociate myself from this strange game, from the numbers, the papers, the entire process. Court does seem so inhumane! They try to reduce you to numbers. Number on a paper. Your case is always referred to as your case number. You are nothing but a number. I’m with you and truly appreciate your advice. (I’m also perimenopausal sleep deprived and stress addled, I”m there with you on that whole thing). And all I can hope is that this process moves faster. I’m going to sing I will Survive in my head while filling out the rest of this f’n paperwork, and get ready to runway walk into court soon! And hope you can hang in there in IL!! Keep me posted on your progress. Fight on!
W.ith all of the ugliness, does not mean that you fall into that description of being a statistic or number. Kimberly makes some great points, as does your post. Stay strong, your life, while in a nasty phase, means more than all of this. Hang tough and know you are loved by soooo many!! And you are doing the right thing. There is no sense is living a life of pretending. – you have to get through this and move into a beautiful realization of the life that is supposed to be YOURS!
It totally sucks. I’m there now. They are 98% done- by my own weary hand- and he tells me he gave $1000 to an attorney to do them. Of course, he hasn’t paid me child support (3 kids) in 8 months!!! Frustrating. I give up.
I don’t think that anyone understands how hard this paperwork is until you have to work you way through it. It’s written so it’s hard to understand. I’ve had to start over so many times because of tiny mistakes-checking the wrong box, signing on the wrong line.
You must be SO angry, and exhausted. How can he pay $1,000 to an attny when your kids are left out? Unbelievable. I hope you get your paperwork filed and get the custody support your kids are owed. Stay strong. You will prevail!