OK. A gentle reminder to everyone out there.
Single parenting is NOT a competition.
I’ve read several post lately debating exactly who qualifies to call themselves a single parent. And it caused me to examine myself. Am I really a “single parent?” Do I actually qualify for this title?
I even wrote a short piece about single parenting for the Huffington Post and defined a single parent as “someone who parents without the emotional backup or support of another person.”
I got some pretty strange comments about that definition. One reader even suggested that I was stupid. That everyone has some emotional support.” Really? Well aren’t you lucky to think that…
So I want to get some things straight about being a single parent.
First of all, being a single parent isn’t a competition.
It’s not like ice skating at the Olympics. I’m not trying to do a triple Lutz and win a medal. I’m not competing against you at all because, guess what, there is no competition. I’m just trying to deliver my daughter to the doorstep of adulthood in good shape. We are all just trying to be not-totally-sucky parents.
I understand, I’m lucky. I have a former spouse to co-parent with. I know that some people have deadbeat exes who take no responsibility for their kids. I’m one kind of single Mom. I’m mid divorce. Maybe your spouse died, maybe the other parent has never been in the picture. Whatever, we’re all a single parents. Let’s move on.
Co-Parenting is still single parenting.
Some people define single parenting as a household with only one parent. Well that is correct. I have a 50/50 custody schedule. On the weeks when my child is with me, I am the sole parent. I’m in charge. I don’t have anyone to support my decisions. I can’t ask their opinion or help with homework, discipline, rule setting or anyone to call for backup. In my book of rules, that qualifies me as a single parent.
Yes, some parents are the sole parent 100% of the time. Of course you are a single parent, but so am I.
If you feel like a single parent, you probably are.
I’ve had friends who were the definition of single parents but were married with a ring, a two car garage and shared debt to prove it. They had spouses with substance abuse, mental illness or other issues that caused their spouses to be emotionally absent.
In my book you too fit the description of a single parent. I vote that you get to join our club too.
All I’m saying is, let’s not get too carried away with definitions, lets just try to be the best kind of parent we can be. However that looks.
Do you consider yourself a single parent? Why or why not?
xoxo-Rosie