Best Divorce Advice Ever. Find your inner B*tch.
I’m nice. I can’t help it. I’m kind, sweet. I avoid arguments. Most days, being nice is a good way to live your life. Except the day you begin divorce proceedings. During a divorce, I have learned that nice gets your nowhere fast. Nice gets you a big ol’ dish of diddly squat. A divorce is the time to put your inner b*tch in charge.
What is a b*tch? A b*tch is tough. She struts, she commands attention. She has a snappy comeback. She doesn’t really care what you think about her. She struts like Joan Holloway in Mad Men. No whining, complaining or discussing her feelings. The b*tch means business.
So here are things your inner b*tch wants you to know:
Your Ex is not your friend. Maybe later, when paperwork and mean words aren’t flying you can be civil. Maybe you can be friends, but not now. Right now, you aren’t in the friend making business. You are negotiating for the rest of your life. He’s not going to like you right now. He is probably hating you. Deal with it.
Love is a battlefield and so is divorce. I’m always the peacemaker. Compromising, avoiding a fight. But sometimes there is no choice but to fight. This is that time. The fight has come to you, so get prepared. Put on your armor and pick up your broad sword Xena. You are going into battle. It’s going to get ugly, bloody, dirty and hellish. That’s how battles are. Be strong.
Do the exact opposite of what you’d normally do. When you would normally keep quiet, speak.
Don’t let anything “slide”. Challenge. Charge ahead. Answer strength with even more strength. Whatever you nice, school lunchbox packing Mom would normally do. Don’t. It’s going to feel weird but do it anyway. You are going to feel horrible. You will say but “I’m being a b*tch. Yes. Yes, you are. You’re supposed to be.
In the end, you aren’t being a b*tch. You are standing up for yourself. So before you do anything regarding your divorce, ask yourself, “what would Alexis Carrington do?” Then steady those 80′ shoulder pads and do it like the real b*tch you know you are. Good luck.
Amen sister! We both need to buckle down, being nice has only prolonged what could have been taken care of in months to years.
Don’t you wish we’d truly understood this? It would have saved so much hurt and heartache on all sides. Well at least we know now. Guess its better late than never!