A letter to my daughter’s birth mother.

A letter from one mother to another.

Dear Birth Mother,

I think about you. Often. I’ve never met you. I wonder who you are. Where you live. Every time I brush my daughter’s long dark hair, I think of you and wonder if she got her beautiful hair from you.

If only I could meet you, my daughter’s birth mother, I would hug you as if we were long lost friends. I would say thank you, even though those words seem so small and insignificant in relation to the gift you’ve given me.

We might not speak the same language, but I would try to communicate with you anyway. We would probably both cry. I’d hold your hand. I’d show you some of the thousands of photos of my daughter I keep on my phone. You’d see the lovely, smart and accomplished young lady she’s becoming.

a letter to my daughter's birth mother

I’d show you the goofy photos she takes of herself when she grabs my phone. I’d share the video of her recent cheer competition. My all American daughter in her red, white and blue cheerleading outfit with an obnoxiously enormous, sequined red bow in her hair.

Before I became a mother, I thought birth mothers gave up their children because they didn’t love them. Now I know birth mothers give up children BECAUSE they love them.

A thousand, a million thank yous for loving her enough to give her another chance.

I don’t know why you had to give her up. I’ve imagined so many scenarios in my head. I’m sure all of them are wrong. Whatever it was, I’m sorry that I profited from your loss.

I have so many questions I want to ask you. Does she get her love of drawing from you? Her stubbornness? Her sense of humor?

I know I’ll probably never meet you and have the opportunity to look into eyes that are a reflection of my daughter. I know the statistics. The chances of me ever being able to locate you is infinitesimally small. Grains of sand on the beach. Billions of people in China, and no adoption records of your name. There is nothing left behind, no clues to go on, no trail that leads me to you. The only path I have to you is her.

A letter to my daughter's birth mother from an adoptive mom | roundandroundrosie.com


And since that’s our only connection, as I hug her tonight, I’ll send a message to you; a little prayer. I’ll hope that somehow through her, you will know that this daughter you gave life to is safe and sound, loved and adored beyond all measure. And I hope that you’ll feel the gratitude I feel for you, her first mother.

From one mother to another, I wish you nothing but love.


A Mom


    • says

      I feel so honored to be my daughter’s mom and that gift was made possible by her birth mother. I hope she somehow knows this. Adoption is such a gift. I always enjoy finding out people who are adopted, so many more people than you’d imagine have been touched by adoption.Thank you for sharing your story!

  1. says

    Like you, I thought mothers who gave up their children were selfish and uncaring. But I have learned to stop judging what I don’t know, and start listening instead for reasons to express compassion. This was a beautiful letter. Your daughter is surely in the right place!

  2. Ashlynn says

    What a heartfelt tribute. I hope your daughter reads this someday too, it is beautifully expressed. No doubt that her birth mom would feel a huge sense of relief and gratitude that her daughter is with someone who is so loving and nurturing.

  3. says

    What a beautiful post. My good friend just found and met her birth mother last year – at the age of 50! – and it has been an amazing reunion. Everyone is getting along so well and they have truly become one big happy family. I am so happy for her – and so happy that your daughter has such a compassionate and caring mother in you.

  4. says

    What a lovely letter and what a kind and caring soul you have. The compassion and love you expressed to the mother who gave up her child is beautiful and really touched me. A beautiful example of living with empathy and without judgement.

  5. says

    The only path I have to you is her. I got chills when I read that line. The whole post is great but that part slayed me.

    • says

      Thank you Anna. My daughter is my world and I’m so lucky to be able to parent her. I just wish one day I could thank her birth mother for her.

  6. says

    This is really beautiful, and I think it is a very important message to remember to show compassion, not judgement, to people who give up their children, and also to acknowledge that they have – for whatever reason – given something so valuable to someone else.

  7. Khadija says

    I love your letter and I cried reading it. I am not sure how I feel about my son’s. birth mother. She physically beat him for the first 3 weeks of his life, until her parents made her give him up for fear that she would kill him. I love him soo much and I worry about what he will find when if he will ever look. He is only 4 so I havetime, but as much as I am thankful to her for giving birth to the love of my life, I resent her for abusing him as a newborn❤❤❤❤❤

    • says

      Khadija, first of all, thank you for being his mom. I cannot imagine that feeling of knowing that someone harmed your son, especially his own mother. You must have very mixed feelings about her role in his life. Prayers and love to you and your son. As he gets older you can decide how much information he will ever need to know about his birth mother.

      Thank you for reading and reaching out.
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