5 contrary ways to make your divorce suck less.

5 Get Real Ways to Make Your Break Up Suck a little less.

5 contrary tips to make your divorce suck less

If you are looking for an uplifting post full of positive tips on how to handle your divorce, this isn’t it. There’s no advice to “Do yoga. Take time for yourself. Meditate.”

If that’s the advice you are looking for, then please go someplace else, because this is not one of those nicey nice posts.  I’m not going to tell you what your Sunday school teacher thinks you should do.  I’m going to give you the advice that your best friend would give you (if she were totally cool and after she’d had a few glasses of wine).

I’m gonna get real.

1. Don’t listen to your attorney.

That’s right, don’t listen to ALL of your attorney’s advice. How long has your attorney known you? Does he know your spouse? Exactly.  You know your situation better than anyone. Listen to yourself.

Yes, they are legal professionals and you should follow their advice some of the time, but in the end, you have to do what you think is right. You alone know what is best for you and your children.

If they are a decent attorney, they will ultimately listen to you. If you feel pressured or bullied, don’t cave. This is your life. You are paying them lots of cash to do what YOU know is right.

(I wrote a post previously on dealing with your attorney. You can check that one here.)

2. Don’t ask everyone for their advice.

I made this mistake when I was newly separated. I called family and friends and begged for advice. I’d ask five different people what I should do next. Where should I go? Should I move out right away?  I got lots of advice from everyone. And when I say that I asked everyone for their opinion, I mean everyone. I didn’t ask the gardener or the exterminator, but I did ask my plumber, who’d recently divorced, what I should do. Yes, I asked my plumber for advice on my divorce while he was unclogging our kitchen sink. Not good.

All that advice just added to the chaos that was already pinging around my head. STOP. You don’t need anyone’s opinion.

You are stalling. You already know what you want. And you are a smart woman. You can figure out what you need to do. So go do it.

3. Don’t talk to your Ex.

Don’t do it. Yes, you need to communicate with your former spouse about co-parenting and scheduling but don’t you DARE answer the phone if he calls. You are fragile, you are angry. Communicate through emails or texts but don’t let him get you on the phone. He could berate you, undermine you, talk to you in ways that could set you back.

Everyone behaves better when there’s a record of their communication to keep them civil. If you have something to say, put it in writing.

4. Feel sorry for yourself.

Wallow in this time. This is painful. Don’t for a second think that you aren’t allowed to feel all this pain and chaos. You deserve to enjoy the full weight of this pain.

5. Do something that guys do.

Sometimes, I think that men are so much better at surviving sad times than we are. They don’t turn their anger inward and become depressed. They go out and do something physical and aggressive. They scream at a sports team, hit other guys with hockey sticks.

A friend took me to a firing range and I shot the crap out of a target with a .357 magnum. I went to a really loud concert and did some headbanging.  (Crazy!)

You probably have a lot of pent up anger. Give it an outlet and you’ll feel better. This isn’t the time for crocheting, this is the time for crushing it!

Do you have contrary ways to make your divorce suck less? 

What did you do to get through it? 

Comments

  1. says

    These are great tips! Having lived with my mom during her divorce with my dad, in my teen years, I wish she had been given some of this advice. Divorce is hard and nasty and something that I wish I never have to live through!

    • says

      Thanks for your comment and I’m sorry that you had to live through your parents divorce. Even a “good” divorce still sucks like hell!!

  2. John K says

    Contrary divorce advice? Here’s some: Drink more. I don’t mean drink to get stupid, just have a beer or two. Sit at a bar and relax and talk to people and maybe even laugh. Tell your story to the bartender. My wife did not, uh, allow me to do that for a long time. Amazing how relaxing the little things can be. Reminds you that there is a world full of people out there.

    • says

      John, I LOVE that advice. Great advice to get out, relax and talk to some people. Bartenders are usually great conversationalists and you’ll end up talking to other people around you. It’s a great way to get out!

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