Is your divorce driving you crazy? Separated and feel like you are losing it?
I’ve been mid-separation for so long, I think I’m almost ready for a nervous breakdown. And honestly, who wants to lose their mind someplace like Sacramento or Bakersfield or their guest bedroom? If I’m going to be curled up in the fetal position and drooling, it might as well be somewhere lovely. So I’ve compiled a list of the 5 best cities in which to have your mid-divorce meltdown.
Two words. Legal Pot. I know, it sounds cool doesn’t it! You can even take a Denver pot vacation and learn cannabis cooking. But one small problem, I hate Pot. I smoked it a few times in 10th grade and it made me so paranoid I ran down the street in a t-shirt and tube socks. Not good. OK, on second thought, forget Denver. It’s probably way too cold there. And everyone wants to go camping.
2. New York.
New York City has the most psychiatrists per capita. A true fact. At least if you watch Woody Allen movies. Plus, everyone’s a little crazy there, so when I do walk down the street muttering to myself in a housecoat no one will give me a thought. And there are lots of pigeons there to feed. I’ll need a new hobby.
3. Rio De Janiero.
It’s the plastic surgery capital of Latin America, what’s not to love? Why not book a Rio plastic surgery vacation in balmy Brazil? Maybe I can get some work done while they sort out my emotional issues. I could come back to the US, skinny AND sane. They also have Mardi Gras, that huge Jesus statue up on the hill, and beaches. But is it the law that all women have to wear a thong on the beach in Rio? Eeech. That could be a deal killer. I only wear thongs in the safety of my blue jeans.
4. Memphis, Tenn.
Delta Blues to heave your soul and liquor stores aplenty to numb your heartache. They even have a blues tour where they take you on tours of music hotspots around the city. Memphis ranks high on many top 10 cities lists, just so you know. It’s one of the least expensive cities to live in, but perhaps not so nice, it’s also one of the 5 most dangerous cities. Yikies. I would probably negate that cost of living savings with all the firearms I’d have to purchase. Exactly how much is a rocket launcher?
5. Rome, Italy.
Carbohydrates. When I’m down I need me some carbs. Why not go then to the world capital of Carbs and take a Roman city tour and cooking class? Maybe a full-on festival of starch would soothe my injured soul. I could eat my way around the city. Penne, farfalle, spaghetti, linguini. I could just let myself go, ease into some elastic waistband Mom jeans and then move onto a plus sized Muu Muu.
Where do you dream of going when your divorce makes you think you’re going crazy? Let me know and I’ll add to a second list. You can never have too many escape plans at the ready.